Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Im new here and I really am feeling lost. My boyfriend and I of 22 years broke up 2 days ago, well I guess that's what happened. We have had a very up and down relationship since year 1. He is an alcoholic and I am in recovery. He refuses to stop drinking. I have tried and tried to help him, but I can't. I finally was going to tell him that I wanted him to move out until he gets himself together, I didn't get that chance. On the day he left I told him that I needed to talk to him. Later on we were in the car and he was driving and pulled over and put on the brakes really hard and said his chest was hurting and he began to cry. I said we needed to go to the hospital and he refused. I then began to drive and we stopped again, he got out of the car and I asked him what he was doing and he said he was getting air, he seememd to be breathing fine and acting normal. Then he told me to go ahead. We are in the middle of a restaurant parking lot and he just walked away. Now remind you that we had not talked about anything at this point so he didn't know that I was going to ask him to leave. So I pulled off called him an asshole and I have not spoken to him since. I did see him going into a neighbors house where there is nothing but alcoholand drugs. I have no Idea where he is today. This is so crazy and Im so fed up. But I also feel really sad. It drives me crazy not knowing what he is doing or where he is at. I know that we dont need to be together but it is so hard to change even if it's hell Im living. It's not fair that I have to make a decision that I don't want to make. I keep thinking of him with someone else, happy and in love. Why can't he dothat with me and be here with his family? Im so angry and my nerves are all over the place. I am confused, sad , mad, angry, resentful, and scared. Any advice?
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I haven't posted for awhile. As most of you know my X passed away in January. Everyone was dealing with their emotions. After that my daughter got a protective order against her boyfriend so I have been trying to be supportive of her. Looks like I will be helping out financially soon.And then, on Good Friday my brothers wife was admitted with acute leukemia which blindsided everyone.I...
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A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...
You have fought your demons and winning does require that you are honest with yourself and learn to love and respect yourself first. He wont be in another loving relationship while he is using...he may be in a faciliting or co-dependant one..but you already know that is not what you need in your life.
Move on girl...draw your support from those who put you in front of using...and you will find a man who will love and value you for your strength and for the life lessons you have learned.
Start that walk today and take ONE DAY AT A TIME!
You can't change him or get him to get sober, you can't cure him. It is not about you, its about his disease and love of the bottle. The Alcohol is always first!
I suspect that even thou you had not verbally told him you were done he knew. Its about energy and you guys have been connected for a lot of years....
Even thou you know that this situation is no longer tolerable and is pretty much out of your hands it will still be an ending and hurt. You will grieve and have a whole host of emotions. Allow all those feelings, sit with them, let them wash over you and purge them. You will vacillate, thats normal. You will get better and then feel bad again. Two steps forward one step back... and so it goes...
I suggest while it is all fresh that you write down all the reasons why you can no longer live with a practicing Alcoholic so when you have moments of weakness or if he calls and starts begging you can refer back to it and refresh your memory.
Hang in there and lean on us, we will help you through this.
(((((HUGS)))))
Lynne
Move forward. Let him know where you are going (maybe he'll follow). But, don't go back to where he is.
He is his own person. And, sadly he may choose wrong. But, he may choose right in the end as well. The important thing is to focus on you. Don't look back, or go back. But, don't lock the door either. If he is willing to change and come forward with you, that is great. If not, then at least you are in a better place.
Good luck... (((((Hugs)))))
He has made a choice--he chose alcohol. It's hurts to watch the ones we love do this, but we are powerless to stop them.
Hugs! I hope you have a better day today. Just remember, one day at a time.
Al- anon, and started working on me some time ago, and it was worth the effort. I hope that you will continue in recovery, learn how to take your life back, and that you will let him go! Healing hugs, Kimmee