I've noticed something. (This applies to me as well, but I didn't go out on a date with my STBX... I went with a new person.) It seems to cause a boomerang effect. I had a good time while I was with the new guy, but the next day was very depressing.

I think it has to do with the anticipation of not being alone... it's sort of like looking forward to Christmas. It's great and everything, but when it's all over, there's such a big let down because you didn't want it to end, you end up feeling worse than before.

I think a lot of people would say that that means that you're not ready for dating (weather it's with your STBX or someone new), but I don't think that's true anymore than saying your not ready for Christmas if you suffer "holiday blues" afterward. I think it's just a result of the level of contrast in being alone and being with someone you feel connected with.

Does that make sense?

I don't believe in giving them booty calls, emotional or otherwise. Good for him, bad for you, as you can see.

Try this: Next time, decide what you want to get out of a date if he asks for one, and call it a meeting, not a date. Ask him what he wants to get from the 'date', what would make it a good 'date' for him. Tell him what you want from the 'date', and is he ok with that. Now, you both have communicated your expectations beforehand. You have something to measure against to see if the 'date' brought at least met your expectations. Perhaps, if you go on step-wise like this, the two of you may start communicating better. If it was me, I would tell him upfront though that after the last 'date' you were down and this is why you feel a reluctance to meet with him again.
My stbx wants us to have Thanksgiving dinner together with our son. I have told her that since she wants to dump me (she already has, we live apart) why does she want me still in her life? It hurts me to no longer be able to hug her and hold her like I used to. I have told her this. The idea of a split is to be apart, I thought.
All the best to you.

I am so sorry. Yes, seeing them triggers the hurt. These little threads of hope can be killers, I know. I hope you feel better soon.

Never thought of it in that sense. Interesting.

I used to go to dinner with my stbx soon after we separated. They were not dates per se, just two friends spending some time together. We were best friends for 20 years. I wish I could still remain best friends with her without being married but I know now that will and cannot happen. That has been the hardest thing to accept. The loss of my wife and best friend. The only way I get over the loss is to not see her. I wish there was another way but you have to get used to the fact that person is not going to have the same role in your life as before.

I had a similar situation a few days ago. H spent all day at home and we watched 2 movies, then went to dinner last Sat. Sunday morning he got up and left right after he took a shower. He was avoiding eye contact with me too. Then I got so depressed all day and it continued till today.

Don't see him...you will never start to heal if you continue this. I know it sounds harsh, but you must cut all contact with him, at least for a while. I know, I've been through the same thing. It's hard, it really is...but you have to do this for yourself and for your sanity. It's the only way you're going to heal. Hugs to you! Be strong.