Ex is coming to pick up the boys tonight and I am not looking forward to seeing her. Been there so many times it's crazy. Gonna try to be real pleasant but keep the one word answer thing going. I would love to get back to where I was 6 months ago, a lot more at peace. The one thing I have admitted to myself the last few days is that I do not have the capability to be just friends with her (much less friends with benefits). I am starting to see why I am on this rollercoaster. We, and I mean both of us, have been using eachother. When we are apart for awhile, the loneliness gets hard and we turn to eachother for support. There is still love between us but I am not sure how equal it is. After awhile of that, our strength seems to be replenished and for me it's a sense of family and contentment and for her it seems to be the chance to reconnect with the guys she has been seeing. This lasts for awhile till she wants some stability and I want the "family" again. This cycle keeps repeating itself over and over. Yes, I have to break it, I know.
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