I have been posting a bit more because that is what my counselor has asked that I do. I am doing another home work assignment for her and it is to find as many things that I do now that I wasn't either allowed to do or was afraid to even approach the topic while with my Ex. He was an abuser and controlling alcoholic so if anyone has ever been with one you will know why I just let my wants and needs go without ever expressing what I wanted to do in MY life. Now that I divorced of course I can come and go as I please without answering to anyone but at times I still find myself a bit hesitant at the first thought of doing something new. It doesn't stop me but I go to the mind set is this okay to do even thou I know I can do what ever I choose. Hope it doesn't seem I am just rambling but it is what goes on in my mind. Then I change my thoughts and realize I can do it regardless because I am in charge of my own life. I had always wanted to go to the Gym and it was a problem with him even thou he said he was not jealous. I have no idea weather it was that or just his control. I go to the gym now. I wanted to bowl on a league for years and since he didn't want to I couldn't plus the beer at the bowling alley was to expensive to buy and he could drink cheaper at home. I now bowl on a league once a week and I love it. I wanted to go to church as a family and he never did. He was totally against religion and now I go with my youngest so every Saturday and I have joined a woman's group on Thursday nights. I also wanted to try and save a bit of mileage on my car each year due to my hour commute and wanted to ride the bus into the city and he was against it because it isn't safe. Well I now ride the bus 3-4 days a week and its saves on gas, mileage and stress. I actually enjoy being driven to work where I can put in my earphones and just wait to get to work. Yes it is a bit longer time away from home but there is no one home looking at the clock waiting at the door for me or calling me asking me when I am going to be home. Oh there are so many other things but those are a few. I can say I no longer have a knot in my stomach of stress and I am busier than ever doing just WHAT I want to do. My life is just as I want it now and I realize that my tragedy has turned in to my triumph and it was all worth it. Thanks for reading my report ... lol
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