This is how I feel too. I don't need to be with my ex, it wouldn't be good for me. My heart is broken though. I miss the guy I met 12 years ago. Inside it hurts very much.

I believe my heart is turned off. I'm numb to him now. I neither desire him or hurt for him. I doubt this is true healing but it's nice not to be in pain so much anymore. Now I can even entertain thoughts like telling him I forgive him. But I know it's not over yet.

I am so sorry you are hurting so deeply. Unfortunately it is part of the process. To me divorce is worse than a death because the person who dies does not choose death while the person who leaves us chooses to do so. Sometimes we have to turn our hearts off (or at least set some feelings on the back burner) so that we can live our day to day lives. Again that's all part of the grieving process.

I know this isn't much comfort right now. But you will start to feel other feelings as well, including anger. A very wise therapist once told me something and I am finally getting it.

We must go through the pain to get past the pain. I am doing that right now. I'm dealing with guilt and anger and wishing it was different and wondering why and a sadness that feels like it will never end. This feels so selfish and self absorbing, but I know I must do it to heal and become whole again. The 1st anniversary of my divorce is next month and I am just now to the point where I do not miss him and I no longer want to be with him.
I'm only just now starting to see him for what he always was and that he will never change. My current therapist says that is huge progress and the beginnings of forgiveness.

I know it's a Clich and isn't much comfort, but give yourself time and permission to feel all of your feelings. It will get better and you will get your soul back. (((((hugs)))))

Cjam posted something last nightthat i think would be very helpful to you right now. It was a paste of an article.

I completely understand. I used to be unltrareligious and now I have a hard time believing god even exists. I feel like an empty person.

Just because you turn your heart off doesn't mean you can't turn it back on again. I feel the same way. Your heart has to protect itself, it can open again as it heals (I hope).

I have tried to turn my heart back on but it seems to just not be there. It has been 2 years now. i have a new girlfriend and she is great but I feel like im so cold to her. Im not mean or anything I just dont show any interest in our relationship. i have even told her how I still feel about my STBX

It is very devastating. I am also sad that you are hurting. I felt the same feeling, and I still have that feeling often.

I can relate it has only been 3 1/2 mos but after 26 yrs together I will never let anyone get that close to my heart again

i don't believe that i have turned my heart off from him, i just need to consider my needs and wants for a better life. i do love him, but time will help me realize that i'm better off alone than trying to beg someone to be with me, that does not want me. i'm taking my heart in another direction.

If you think you can turn your heart off hun, by all means do it. Then PLEASE tell me how because I want to turn mine off. All I know is that with each passing day, I miss mine more and more and want him in my life. I want to share every moment with him. Hang in there Chuck you are a good man!!! It is her loss hun. You know Love isn't love until you give it away. I told my friend this week that I am AFRAID to ever love anyone. It HURTS SO BAD!!!!!