I know in my heart and in my soul that I am doing what is absolutly the right thing for me. I am getting rid of the bully from my life. I don't have to follow rigid rules and be criticized constantly for not doing something 'good enough'. I know that the man I fell in love with was a man who purposely misled me as to who he really was. But I remember that man that I fell in love with. And even though I know that he didn't really exsist, I still love him. I miss the good times that we had. I miss having someone to come home to. I miss knowing that someone is there if I need a hug. I know that now, I will never talk to him again. And that's a good thing, I know. Because I won't have to deal with his snide remarks and his overly critical comments. But it's still hard. It's lonely and I'm sad. I am so horribly sad. I wrapped my life up in this man for two and a half years. And now it's over. Completely over. My heart is broken. I know it will heal over time. But the pain is so overwhelming that is almost incapacitates me. God I just want the pain to stop. How do you do it? Get through the pain? Stop the memories? Get though the night when the loneliness is like a deep dark abyss that you can't get out of? I'm so lost. I feel like I can't find my way out.
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