Breakups & Divorce Support Group

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Letting Go? Why Can't I Do It??

deleted_user
deleted_user
I'm not one to spend idol time. Time that I have devote to another person is highly valued by me. So when it ends, I hard for me to phathom. Like, why didn't u try? Why couldn't we work on it? Why didn't u give the same effort? I can't stop reminiscing, and I can't forget. I still even talk to him (until just recently..a few days ago)..I can't let go fully. I know I should..and I dont even know if its even holding me back. This relationship has changed me greatly and I don't trust anyone at all, and can't see myself being able to date again for fear of wasting my time again. Time is precious, and I dont want to go thru life, never getting it right. I need to let go of him and his whorish ways, his deceptive, coniving persuasive ways and just move on. Please lend encourage, and advice my DS fam..I'm a strong person, but this has gotten me down. I let him bring me down..
Loved1
Loved1
I can see what you mean and relate. I have to find the lesson. I have to learn I have some work to do, it is not a total loss! Expectations lead to disappointment and resentments. Having an attitude of gratitude leads to serenity.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Wow..I relate to you almost 100%. When I read your words, it was like reading my own. This is something that we have to learn to do for our sanity....let go. It's going to be one of the hardest journeys that we will ever take, but with help we will get through it.
deleted_user
deleted_user
the best advice I can give you that someone gave to me when I first seperated from my husband. You have to go out and make new memories so that when you reflect on things you have more than just "you and him" memories. For me thats been the best help in letting go....though I'm not sure I've let go 100%....I think when the paper is signed and the ink is dry I'll know there is no hope.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Do you see that you are not alone?? I actually thinking I am mentally unstable at times because I feel like I am not doing the seperation and divorce correctly. My daughter in law just held me while I cried last night and told me that there is no right way, this is something that is life changing and so hard. She just let me cry. You can do this. One step at a time.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Just keep trying. Push yourself and don't stop. Don't look back except to see how far you've come and what a better person you're becoming.
deleted_user
deleted_user
for me the easiest way to accept things the way they are was to accept the fact that there is nothing I can do about another. there is, however, my life and i can do things with it. so I just have to find what things I want and need to do with my life. I still allow myself to cry , I think it is essential not to hold those tears - there will be one day when you'll discover there will be no more tears to cry...I think the lesson should be - to find what you've been missing about yourself.
keepthehope
keepthehope
When you love so much it is hard to let go. This is the time for you to look at what you would be holding onto now. Not what you are holding onto in the past. As you know everything has changed, the person you relied on, counted on, loved has changed. Even if you think in the here and now it still is tough, I know because I still hold a tiny bit of hope and once that goes the only person who was holding on to a marriage is gone. You will get through this just keep on your path.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hang in there. Trust it will be ok. More power to you. I know it's easy to say the right things and actually doing it is much tougher. Most of us are going through the same thing. My wife said something the other night.."if you hold on to so much in the past you cannot embrace the future". I know what she says is true but at the end of the day it feels like no wisdom or strategy will work or ease the pain. You have to let go fully and trust you'll be ok.
patti22
patti22
I as with you here. I just can't see myself with anyone else just yet. Even now that I'm starting accept that this is reality. I don't feel like I want any man romantically right now...so I won't. Best thing about being on your own, you don't have to think about anyone's feelings but your own. Perhaps that's why you never got it right before, were you always putting his feelings before yours?
deleted_user
deleted_user
I feel the same way, not wanting to start anything else at the moment and I feel like it will be a long time before I do. But at the same time, I think if I find out who I am again and what I want then I will be in a better place to try again, so in a few years ...

Actually its hard to even think about it. Must be holding onto some false hope somewhere that it is not all over...
deleted_user
deleted_user
Letting go is difficult but it is necessary to forge a new path in life. I am waiting for the papers to be signed so that it is officially over. Maybe this will help me to stop looking back at what I wanted it to be? Best wishes always
deleted_user
deleted_user
This experience will innoculate you against future mistakes. Work hard with every resource you have to process the anger and the pain. When you can forgive you can truly move on. I'm not there yet either but I know this is the answer. Try to focus your efforts on thoughts and actions that progress you into your new life. I have to imagine a man out there who is unselfish, who likes to cook, who enjoys christmas, who loves kids. I'm creating a dream for my new life with me in control no the pain, not the neglect. I'm not alone and neither are you! We are all here with you.

Sending you strength. This is so painful.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am in the same boat right now. Was married for almost 25 years to a man who was wonderful to me. Now, he is gone. Says that he doesn't love me anymore the way he used to. Of course, he met someone else and has no desire to work on the marriage anymore. I am left to pick up the pieces of my life and move on, but I am having trouble with it too. I pray everyday that it gets easier, but it doesn't seem to.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I know the feeling I felt like that too and I always felt that if I would have done things different he would not have left. It took me a long time and you can say I took it one day at a time and I would think more of the bad times then the good. I am now able to move on and not hold on to the past. Good luck!!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I can completely understand your pain and frustration. I have asked myself that same question a bazillion times over the last month. What is it about ME that i can't let him go? He has let go and moved on, but I think what I need to do is release all of this energy trying to hold on to something that is fighting to pull away from me. I need to have hope, but not for the relationship. I need to have hope for me and my kids in our new future.
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