sorry. days like this pass. maybe you lost the picket fence but you gained a new lease on life.

I totally feel the pain. Even when we face the reality of the whole situation we still want to cling onto the dream we thought we had come true. I face those thoughts on the long drive from work to home and home to work. I feel the tears stream down my face as I realize the dream was just a dream and I was woken up. Your post was very powewrful that has me relfect again on my life and the direction I need to go. Thank you for your thoughts and sharing.
Keepthehope

what we face are huge losses. and we have to go through the grieving process, it's very much like a death, i think it hurts just a bit more, because the other person is still in exsistence, you have lost certain dreams, but now you rebuild. different dreams and goals. for me God has truly helped these feelings, i know i have to go through them, hate them, but i just ask God please help me through these feelings, i know they won't last forever. i'm excited about my new dreams and goals and how i will obtain them on my own, with love and respect for myself. go to the party, try to smile and enjoy the day for your neice. it's her day. and there will be so much more in store for you and your children.

I am having alot of trouble feeling the loss. Not of stbx, just the loss of what could have been. Loss of the dream. The dream seemed to exist for the first few years, then started dying the last few years. And we could not resolve our respective issues. Where was love? I don't think love was ever there, not real love. For him, sex was there and that is all he wanted for "love". For me, companionship and safety was there, and that was "love" for me. When his need for sex got to be overwhelming and unsafe and one-sided and not intimate, I started backing off on meeting his needs cuz I didn't feel the companionship or the safety anymore. The cycle started. He got more angry and I got more distant. I think we did the best we could. Altho I do think that he was the one that made the relationship dangerous and scarey, and nothing I did approached that level of negativity (I stopped cooking as much as I used to, big deal, he was always mad at me anyway). No, don't want him anymore. But want the companionship we used to have. I feel like I will never travel to new places again, never just take off on a spontaneous weekend road trip again, never have anyone to pillow talk with, it just seems that I wil be alone forever. Not a very cheerful post, but I just feel so thrown out with the trash today. He left this marriage with the most amount of disrespect that a person could. I honestly can't think how he could have doen it with more disrespect. No wonder I still have issues to work out with this damn divorce.

Anne spoke my heart and soul. We live in similar circumstances with sex/porn addiction. I too mourn the loss of a dream a dream that wasn't really there. Now I need to try really hard to accept reality and look for reality in my relationships. I don't want to do this pain again.

I have recently divorced I am with a wonderfull man. But the loss of feel of leaving my kids behind is so bad. Some days I can be ok others I just miss them so much I cant describe the pain. We live in the same town but they have chosen not to see me. I have been to my doctor and she calls it a grieving period Im feeling what evey mother feels when their child grows up and leaves except I was the one to leave and I carry the guilt of that with me as well. so hard!

I get stuck in my own head too.

I miss having someone to talk to about my day.
I miss the friends that I no longer see because he and the new girlfriend get invited and I do not.
I miss his family. They were my family and now nothing?
I caught myself mentally Christmas shopping for his parents. I left the store. I couldn't deal.

That has been the hardest part of me, letting go of the dreams of the future. I just try to take it one day at a time. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you feel better soon. Tomorrow will be a different day. *HUGS*

It is tough to get those thoughts out of your mind. The other day I did the same thing 2 mile walk to clear my mind with the ipod. Half way through the walk cell rings and the wife starts blasting me up and down. The white fence went right up in smoke.

I am so sorry you are having a sad day. You will probably feel better once you go to the party.