Hello everyone.I am 45 years old and have 2 kids.Our daughter 11 and our son 15 years old. I am a recovering addict with 10years clean. I am a manger for The Home Depot. My stbx left us 7 months ago. We have been together sine 1989. Thats where i met her. I am a pridefull, honorable, respectfull man, I have values and i am a man of my words. When i say i am going to do something i do it! Well since the stbx has left, my daughter has ranaway several times and attempted to commited suicide, i stop her before she could hurt herself. She has beeen to the hospital 10 times since july 07. The stbx knows all of this and yet still doesent wont to stop her "Adult Choices"! The stbx has been using for awhile and she is acting out on her old disfuntional behaviors. She is a swinger, she is on a swinger web site. She shows herself on their on a live web cam. While she was still here, she has shown our daughter her profile on the site! I know this because since she has been gone our daughter has told me how her mom showed it to her. And when she did it she was proud of it! I know that this is long and i am sorry if you are reading this Thank You. So here i sit feeling the walls closing in. My daughter is a mess, I am on a FMLA from work so i dont have any income. Every damm day their is allways something to push me futher over the edge. I woke up this morning to find my daughter gone! She just up and left again and went for a walk. She is back now. I dont really know if this is making any kind of sence, i am just letting it flow out. I am alone and i am damm tired of it! I thought that the woman that i married was the one i was going to grow old with, be my partner in life! I feel like something has died, i am feeling a hole the size of the Grand Canyon in me. Lost empty alone wait i said that. Confused a shell. Hell i was in controll of a $25 million dollar building! How can i pick up the peaces when more keep breaking? I am trying i am seeking counseling for all of us. The kids are pushing me every day. They wont help with chores and stuff, well sometimes they do but its a act of God to get them to do anything. The stbx every time we have talk she doesnt wont to talk about solutions. She knows that she has screwed up and i havent, that piss her off badly! Hell she wont me to screw up! SO are yall still reading this? Help me please! I wont a real hug. I wont to pick up the pieaces and live my life. I am not getting younger. I wont my kids to have success in their lives not this BS! I am tired of waiting, how much longer am i going have to wait. I wont to get back to that productive man that i was. I wont to see that sucess again in my life! The stbx would tell all of us how much of a failer we were. I would allways fight back and stand up for us. She is out their screwing and having a grand old time. Hell i cant even get aroused, exitied. There i said it! Now i have taken another risk. I am afraid to take anymore risk. Damm this fucking diease of adicition. I feel like i am a idoit, foolish stupig man. When another part of me is saying "No your not"! The war is inside me too!
Posts You May Be Interested In
theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...