Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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deleted_user 10/14/2007

Hello everyone.I am 45 years old and have 2 kids.Our daughter 11 and our son 15 years old. I am a recovering addict with 10years clean. I am a manger for The Home Depot. My stbx left us 7 months ago. We have been together sine 1989. Thats where i met her. I am a pridefull, honorable, respectfull man, I have values and i am a man of my words. When i say i am going to do something i do it! Well since the stbx has left, my daughter has ranaway several times and attempted to commited suicide, i stop her before she could hurt herself. She has beeen to the hospital 10 times since july 07. The stbx knows all of this and yet still doesent wont to stop her "Adult Choices"! The stbx has been using for awhile and she is acting out on her old disfuntional behaviors. She is a swinger, she is on a swinger web site. She shows herself on their on a live web cam. While she was still here, she has shown our daughter her profile on the site! I know this because since she has been gone our daughter has told me how her mom showed it to her. And when she did it she was proud of it! I know that this is long and i am sorry if you are reading this Thank You. So here i sit feeling the walls closing in. My daughter is a mess, I am on a FMLA from work so i dont have any income. Every damm day their is allways something to push me futher over the edge. I woke up this morning to find my daughter gone! She just up and left again and went for a walk. She is back now. I dont really know if this is making any kind of sence, i am just letting it flow out. I am alone and i am damm tired of it! I thought that the woman that i married was the one i was going to grow old with, be my partner in life! I feel like something has died, i am feeling a hole the size of the Grand Canyon in me. Lost empty alone wait i said that. Confused a shell. Hell i was in controll of a $25 million dollar building! How can i pick up the peaces when more keep breaking? I am trying i am seeking counseling for all of us. The kids are pushing me every day. They wont help with chores and stuff, well sometimes they do but its a act of God to get them to do anything. The stbx every time we have talk she doesnt wont to talk about solutions. She knows that she has screwed up and i havent, that piss her off badly! Hell she wont me to screw up! SO are yall still reading this? Help me please! I wont a real hug. I wont to pick up the pieaces and live my life. I am not getting younger. I wont my kids to have success in their lives not this BS! I am tired of waiting, how much longer am i going have to wait. I wont to get back to that productive man that i was. I wont to see that sucess again in my life! The stbx would tell all of us how much of a failer we were. I would allways fight back and stand up for us. She is out their screwing and having a grand old time. Hell i cant even get aroused, exitied. There i said it! Now i have taken another risk. I am afraid to take anymore risk. Damm this fucking diease of adicition. I feel like i am a idoit, foolish stupig man. When another part of me is saying "No your not"! The war is inside me too!

deleted_user 10/14/2007

You may feel lost right now. But try to get to counseling; you will find your way. Blessings, Boyd

deleted_user 10/14/2007

Welcome! With a little luck, some hard work and a few friends maybe you will find yourself.

Feels overwhelming doesn't it when there seems to be SO many things wrong in your life at one time. Choose you battles wisely. Work on what YOU can control and try not to worry about the rest.

Good luck!

deleted_user 10/14/2007

Well, said boyd & 31. I agree try some sort of counseling. You have to talk to family or freinds. Please you must. I was so afraid of what people would think of me and for how long I put up with my stbxs' emotional abuse. However, once I put it out there and refused to accept it any more I began to change. Change for the better. Trust me. Please talk to someone.

Che2 10/14/2007

I'm goping to second 31 yrs. Choose your battles. Sounds like your ex is lost and trying to involve her in solutions will likely only create more problems. Sounds strange but sometimes it's easier to solve the problems yourself. First things first. You and kids emotional and pshycological well being. 1st. Counseling can be a long process but hopefully there can be some stabalization fairly quickly.

Your kids can get through just about anything..as long as they have someone to keep things stable. That's you..and you can do it.

deleted_user 10/14/2007

I am certainly not going to make excuses for her behavior, but are there other factors? Anti-depressents adn anti anxiety medications can cause some way out stupid behavior. When my stbx and I split, I did some stupid things and was proud of them to the point that my kids were aware of some of the people I dated. I felt no remorse over it until I got off that medication. There is no salvaging the marriage, but I want my kids to understand who their father really is, not who he was with the medication clouding his judgement.
Also, here is something that I tell myself repeatedly. If my kids were in an unhappy relationship, would I want them to stay? NO. I want the very best for them and I feel that the example I am giving them by their mother and I starting over is the best one. The key is to never villify your expartner. Let the kids know that she is doing things that she needs to in the process of discovering what will make her happy which is what you want (Say that whether it is true or not. Some lies are for the best and deep down, it probably isn't a lie.)
Remember that you live for YOU. Your kids are the largest part of your life, but it is you that you need to make happy. The time you spend with them adds to that, but is a step toward the ultimate goal of becoming who you want to be! I'm on the same journey and it isn't easy, but seeing others and aspiring to reach their level or remembering being at that low keeps the fact that improvements are being made in focus!
Take care,
-E-

deleted_user 10/14/2007

Hey you can do this. I am so sorry for all of this in your life. This a life line you can hold on to to get you through.

deleted_user 10/14/2007

Your not alone. As crappy as it sounds...just take one day at a time. Try not to look to far into the future. Get what you need to get done each day. I would suggest counseling. Like boyd said..YOU WILL find your way.

deleted_user 10/14/2007

Seems your daighter needs an outlet. I don't know if she had these issues before the separation but it seems your lives may have been anything but boring. You wife.....Well, no one can force a person to be a good or qualifying parent. Seems you're on your own. We can support you as much as we can here. I guess since you're on FMLA your daughter has some sort of diagnosis and has been seen by a doctor. I know you're the parent but you cannot stop earning al;iving because of the choices your daughter is making. With no income coming in today her problem could be depression, tomorrow it could be hunger.
I understand and commend your commitment to her and I hope someday she will see the same thing. It's quite possible your daughter would be better off in a home that deals with these issues.

deleted_user 10/14/2007

Just remember to breathe.The rest takes a while to work out.Yes you have to work at it but it does get better.Glad you took the risk to share.

(((((REAL HUGS)))))

deleted_user 10/14/2007

You are not stupid and foolish. That much I can tell you. I can also tell you that you can't control what your wife does. She is going to do what she wants to do. Sorry, I know it hurts to let go, and what she is doing sucks. You need to worry about you and the kids. Sounds like your daughter needs some definite counseling, and it would not be a bad idea for you or your son. Sometimes, it is just nice to have a person sitting across from you listening to you, and have them say, no, you are not crazy and yes you made the right decision.

deleted_user 10/14/2007

Like everyone else has said.....one day at a time.....hell, one MINUTE at a time! It seems impossible right now, but stick around here, and just keep writing. I felt very much like you just two months ago, and then I stumbled upon this place & the wonderful people here and it was like the sun finally started to come out again.

You CAN get through this.

Hugs,
-Dee

deleted_user 10/14/2007

Well I'd say you have to prioritize everything. Kids helping with chores should go to the bottom of the list...FOR NOW. You ex's behavior is not something you can do anything about so it's off the list all together! All you CAN control is yourself right now, and try to help your children stay on a clean and narrow path. As confused as you are, it's likely your children are equally confused. Teenagers are confused enough when everything at home is serene. Try to work through each problem..one at a time, that's all anyone can do..and I agree with JacJac, putting a roof over your head and the children's heads and food on the table should be towards the top of the list!

deleted_user 10/14/2007

first of all STOP THIS!!! you are not a foolish stupid man. you are not responsible for what your wife does, nor are your children and you know this. you say you are all going to counseling, since you yourself are in recovery, i would suggest you take your kids to alateen, get them started and then attend some alanon meetings yourself. sit your children down and be very firm, how wrong what their mother is doing and now you three are the family unit and you need to count on each other to make it work. be sympathetic to their pain and tell them they need to be the same for your pain. your going to get through this, it sucks, yes, but you live in recovery everyday. if you have to, admit your daughter to a psyche facility. not an easy thing to do, but for her safety and her life you may have to do it. if you can, lock out the computer so they can't see what there mother is doing. she is a very sick woman. if this sounds harsh, truly it is not meant to. you being the adult here and the parent who stayed it's on your shoulders and i know you already know that. this is a great place to be. you will get such support and encouragement. your not alone. and please don't apologize for the length of it, i truly hope you feel better after being able to get it off your chest. God Bless You and your family. you have to take action now.

deleted_user 10/14/2007

Sounds like you and your daughter may have more in common than you realize. Although she is not an adult it sounds like she hase been exposed to alot of adult things and as a young woman who was once a teenage girl I can tell you that Adult situations are extremly difficult to handle and understand when you have enough changes going on inside you as it is. I was 13 when I found out I had depression and when I was 17 my parents split up. I couldn't figure out how to wrap my head around the whole situation. I know it must be frustraiting for you but keep in mind she is probably just a lost,sad and confused little girl who doesn't know how to deal either. Make sure you both get the help you need. If she doesn't get this dealt with now it will haunt her for years to come and affect her relationships like it did mine. She really doesn't mean the things she says or does, just make sure that she knows you love her and that you are having a hard time too, relate as best you can. I hope that helps a bit.

Jlhorlando 10/14/2007

Hey there guy. I know you have been struggling with this for a long time. Please know that you are doing the best you can. Don't beat yourself up about what is happening. Your wife has caused a lot of problems with you and your children and has left you to pick up the pieces. It is a tough job being a full time dad to troubled teens and working as hard as you do. Things may seem hopeless right now, but try not to get overwhelmed by it all. Handle what you can, when you can and give the rest to God. It's a hard job doing this alone. I know you are lonely, but know you have a lot of friends here at DS. I wish we could all come to TX to give you encouragement and a group hug! You are doing the right thing by reaching out. Get some encouragement and hope and take it one day at a time. I have been your friend for a long time and please know that I am praying for God to give you the strength you need to get through this. ((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))

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