I wonder about this too. I have only ever been broken up with--never the person who leaves. I wonder if something about me brings it on? (aside from "you're a bitch and you ruined my life," I've not been given a consistent set of reasons across bfs.

Why do bad things happen to good people?

I made the comment yest. that I feel disposable,, and not just to the ex... but in other relationships as well!

Possibly you should turn the question around a bit...Maybe some of us were "tenderized" early.

Most people with "High Self Esteem"-translate to arrogant asses-were coddled as children, never disapproved of and had very nice lives.

Many of us "Kind Hearted" people have been kicked around a bit, starting very early. We know what pain is and do NOT wish to hurt another living being.

Unfortunately, we also tend to attract the bullies. They know that we will not fight back. We will back down.

I still don't ever want to be like THEM. But, I wouldn't want to Be one of them when one of Us finally has our fill.

TOTAL DOORMAT (sugarmama)HERE!

Hoping my reward is in heaven for all I sacrificed!

funny, i just wrote how it feels good to put my "best foot forward". In doing this we expect nothing from the other, it is not up to them to reciprocate in order for us to put our best foot forward. I know what you mean. I guess that's where God comes in handy for me, I know I am weak and I seek to act in my highest good which means unconditional love and forgivness (ideally).

That is a good question and one that I really want an answer to. Why, as a nice good person, am I attracted to those that hurt me? There has got to be a self help book about this topic somewhere!

My son said almost exactly the same thing the other day. He said I am too nice. The only excuse I have is that is who I am. Guess I am going to have to toughen up. It is like they don't respect you unless you're as hard as they are. Guess at this point love is out of the question so guess I will change my tactic and go for making him respect me. It's worth a try. It will definately be something he hasn't dealt with before. I was always, a loving, giving, supportive wife---and where did that get me.

i have personally started to care for me first and not worry about how he will feel about what i have to say. i am not being cruel just honest and strong. he was mean and nasty and it broke my heart over and over, i take full responsibility for that. no one can make you feel anything, we feel what we feel because we let them affect us. just do whats right for you if you are kind and they hurt you then let it go God knows what every one is doing, he will take care of those mean ones.

Good post Tipote! TamiJ1, you struck a nerve. I am having to face up to how cruel and emotionally abusive my step dad was growing up - and still is. I was powerless against him as a little girl and it set a pattern. I used to get mad at my mom for being a doormat. Having been with a man a lot like dear old dad, I understand she is afaid and worn out. I tried so hard to win his love. I was such a good kid growing up and he did not love me back. It makes me sad. I think it is always better to be nice and to believe that i deserve someone nice - I think that is the hard part. I know I am a better person, though, and I am raisin my kids differently.

whatever you choose to offer, give it freely... then no matter how it is received, you can have peace knowing it was given with no strings attached