I know of course no one here has the answer for me, I am beginning to wonder if there is a 'perfect' answer. I have forgiven my H and so I know IF he were to come home, we could be at least as we were before the affair; 'kinda happy' 'so-so' just kind of existing. We do not hate eachother, we never argued and fought, even before the affair. We had an 'odd' marriage to say the least, he worked, I took care of the kids, we lived a very separated life but it worked, it just became habit. And that is what I fear now. I don't know that I can be content with 'habit' anymore. I don't know that I can 'settle' AFTER the affair. He was never violent, hardly ever drank, no drugs involved, none of that. And if he comes back home right now, he'll continue working as much, I'll be taking care of the kids and life will go right back to 'normal' and I know so many have had terrible relationships and would give anything for "half-way normal" and be happy. I know there are thousands of women who would trade their situation for mine in a heartbeat. I'm just beginning to wonder if I am being greedy wanting "bliss" when I could take him back, my children would be overjoyed , I would be safe and 'kinda' loved. We are at a point now that neither one seem to want to move on with out the other and I truly wonder are we trying to see if we love eachother, if we could just tolerate eachother again or are we both holding onto the other out of fear of letting the other completely go? I am thankful I did not make any 'hasty' decisions during my pain, but at the same time I sure don't feel like I/we have made much progress. And If we could sorta be happy, do we not owe it to our kids to at least try!! It is so hard to know what the "right" answer to all this is and is there really any "right" answers? And is Life truly what you make it? I know for so many where there is abuse, drugs, and alcohol, "making" it is not an option, you can not change that person and reconciliation is not an option and in so many cases definitely not the best answer. So I guess the question is, Do I settle for 'kinda' happy or do I wait on 'bliss' Does 'bliss' exist?
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