That has to be difficult :( I'm sorry you are having to go through it but it sounds like you handled it very well for the kids.
Hugs

I know what you mean. They arent my kids but every weekend he has his kids Im the one that takes care of them his 2youngest started calling me mommy. I just moves out on Jan. 1 the day after the kids were with us for the weekend and I had to telll them that I was moving out. And after 5weeks he already has his stupid whore staying the night in MY house with my kids! Men like that are pieces of shit!

I am so sorry swan and I fear I am in store for a similar if not more extreme betrayal. I am scared to death, but I am blessed that our son is eleven... so I suspect if I am just honest... if I shelter him, he will not be misled. They are so selfish that they need their kids, their innocent children to justify their betrayal. He thinks that if the kids like her it is ok, it is a way to make him feel better. If he is doing stuff like this, just realize it is a way of admitting he is wrong, what he did was wrong, and now he is using his own children to alleviate his guilt. I know it is hard to believe, but trust me... he isn't as happy as he seems. He is pretending to spare himself the truth, he is in denial. Blaming you and using his kids is just another way to spare himself the truth. He knows down deep inside that he is wrong, he knows he is selfish and cruel. Trust in God and he will reveal to you the truth about the situation, the burdens he carries. I had this nagging feeling all day yesterday that my s2x was in deep despair. People will say that I say this to make myself feel better, but I actually felt that way. I know that God is trying to reveal the truth to me. He can not defeat my spirit, my belief... he can not come between me and God. There is more to this than a need for a girlfriend, lust... it is a defiant act to lash out against the traditional, family in general. It is his way of refusing to conform to what is expected of him because he is not strong enough to handle it. Once the fantasy falters, so will he... once the truth is revealed to him it will take all that he has to keep it hidden away. God acts on behalf of the family and has not forgotten you... nor is your pain being ignored. Go to God, the father and the son... he will reveal the truth to you.

I am so sorry for what he has done to your kids and you. I know the feeling all to well. I know how hard it was for you to say what you did to your kids you probably felt like screaming or crying. I know I do everytime my son mentions the other woman/family but I try really hard to listen. I have explained to my son how I feel and I told him he can still tell me anything but that I might not be super happy and seem a little down but that doesn't mean he has to stop sharing we are very close the sad thing is he feels my pain even when I mask it we just have a special bond that way I guess. I wish we didn't have to go through this but I'm trying to believe that god has a better plan for all of us. Sometimes that is hard to believe but I pray to him because I'm not sure what else to do at this point I have to believe in the unseen and believe there is a better life for me and my son as well as you and your children. These men will never be truly happy I just don't think its possible they are fooling themselves and trying to fool everyone else....must be a hard job. Well you are in my thoughts and prayers today I hope things get better.

I am so proud of you. You handled that really well. I wish I could say the same. My x has been lying to me and continues to lie to me. This Sunday, after our son's 3rd b-day, he pulls up with the new woman in the car. I make him wait outside while I kiss my son goodbye. Then he pawns our son off onto his sister and has her take our son home. I,unfortunately, lost it and said some really nasty stuff in front of my son and her son. I let her know what a lying cheating manipulative person he is. He has been lying to his family as well. I then called him and let him have it. I let him know that I figured out all the lies and to stop lying. I don't know why they do it. I don't know why they are so insensitive. I don't know how or why they justify their behavior. Kudos to you though for talking with your son openly and honestly and not put him in the middle. It's very difficult but you are doing the right thing. Keep your chin up.

sorry to hear that, i know how you feel, it's bad enough that your seperated and getting divorced and it's not like you really want them but when you see them for the first time with someone else you get that gut sinking hurt feeling and not to mention your kids aren't ready for that yet. At least you explained it to them, you know kids are not stupid they know more than we ever give them credit for. you can try to sneak around or call someone a "friend" but they know as well as they do when the fighting starts and we try to hide it from them. well hang in there and remember your not doing this he his so don't feel so hurt and angry over his decisions he's the one that will have to pay for them one day.

I know it has to be very hard. Regardless of how long it's been, it will never feel right. Doesnt' he realize that the kids are smart and will figure things out. My husband moved in with another woman the day he left me. At least our children are grown and can talk for themselves.
Good luck!

Thank you everyone. Those thoughts really did make me feel better. I just can't believe he would use his kids like that. Like they are cute little puppies to be paraded around his girlfriend. The thing is, their affair is still illicit at work, but it's okay for the kids to meet her? Thanks for your words everyone, that really helped. I love thise site.

I know how you feel. My kids, 2 daughters ages 14 & 16, happened to come across my husband, who we have been seperated for about a month, and his skoochie (slutty hoochie) at a buffet where my husband and his skooch work. Thinking that they would go and see him, not knowing that he was at dinner with her there, the kids went with their grandfather. There they were together. My husband looked at the kids then turned away. He said he didn't but both the kids said he did. They felt rejected. When he did finally acknowledge them, his girlfriend would not even look at them nor introduce herself to them. I think that it is wrong. My circumstances are different, but like you said, I know that it is going to have to come out in Counseling and it is not going to be pretty. Stay strong, you treated the situation right.

Hey, the wonderful little mrs that I call my wife moved her lover into the house two days after I vacated it. Guess she didn't like take out anymore.

I thinks its difficult for a spouse to introduce the new lover, more so for the cheating spouse to do so. My wife tried to have the kids call him "Dad" within a couple of months, they've elected not to. My wife is on a mission to, IMO replace me not just as a husband but as father figure. BTW lava135 I've got you beat, the day I moved out my wife's lover spent the night.

There was a time I used to get mad about this type of stuff. The more I write about it here the more comical this whole things seems to be becoming. I'm not sure if that's a good sign or a bad one.

Wow, I can totally understand how this situation would be a tough one to swallow. One thing that popped into my mind when I read your post was that YOU are going to therapy and learning how to do what is best for the kids. You're putting all the chips on your side and that's all you can do.

MY X LEFT ME FOR A COWORKER AND IS NOW LIVING WITH HIM SO WHEN MY BOYS GO TO STAY WITH HER THEY ARE WITH HIM TOO. SHE ADMITTED TO ME THAT SHE CHEATED ON ME ABOUT A YEAR A GO, WHILE SHE WAS ASKING TO COME BACK HOME. HOW IS THAT FOR A KICK IN THE BUTT SHE IS ALSO USING THE BOYS TO TRY TO GET BACK IN THE HOUSE, BUT HOW WOULD THAT WORK? I COULD NEVER TRUST HER AGAIN. KEEP GOING FORWARD AND TRY TO BE STRONG FOR THE KIDS AND BE REAL CAREFUL ABOUT WHAT YOU SAY IN FRONT OF THEM