well, thats a hard one, because you don't want them thinking they can't talk to you. how old are the kids? depending on age. is they are small you may have to deal with it. if older, just tell them it bothers you and you would prefer not to hear about the boyfriends.

They be 12, 14, & 17

well i think they are old enough if you explain it to them, but if they slip up, try to let it go.

Sure things like that are all in how you say it. maybe like, Hey guys can you do me a favor. can we not talk about moms boyfreinds. No big deal just want moms buisnes to be hers and mine to be mine. the simplier the better.

I am having trouble with this myself, I know she exists and part of me wants to know everything about her so I can pick her apart and feel better about me. I also dont want to hear about her, I dont want to know what she is like, I think at their ages that you should be able to tell them you dont want to hear about her and they should be able to understand it

I don't know Jerry..

I know it sucks to hear about the OM but what if they NEED to tell you something about him..like something he said that was out of line or made them uncomfortable.

AND..they may need to vent.

Sorry buddy :)

sorry Jerry.... not so tough for me. no. it is not ok to tell them that. they are kids. they love you, they love her. they are caught in the middle of something that has zero to do with them. work on making sure they know that. i am sure you don't want to hear every detail about every one of their friends either, but you listen and you react accordingly. same thing applies here. be happy they are comfortable enough to talk to you about something they know has to be uncomfortable for you. be proud of that and don't alienate them. *hugs*

As a child of divorce and a parade of step-mothers I vote no. It's uncomfortable for anyone, even adult children, to have to monitor what they say about the other parent and/or parent's companion. She and he are a significant part of their lives, like it or not and if you want to have an open relationship with your kids, they have to know that they can talk to you about anything.

That doesn't mean it doesn't totally suck and I feel your pain, big time. But just remember, a close relationship is contingent on being able to be very open with the other person, including parent/child relationships. Hug.

I understand how you feel, but you want to keep the lines of communication open.
How about you have a specific time to tell all about what goes on over there, and they can get it all out. Then, outside of those times, they only tell you something if it is really important. That way you can be ready for it and it will not hit you so hard, but they get to say it, and then the rest of your time with them is free from the other man.

Personnaly I would prefer to know what he is doing with them.

Yes I agree, your kids need to feel free to tell you anything.. even if you don't want to hear it.. sounds like both you and they could use an independent ear.. like counselling to help you all communicate and deal with the situation.

I think they are old enough to understand that it might hurt you to hear about the OM.

I'd say just grin and bare it unless it's getting obnoxious.

For example my kids (5 and 4) have mentioned the OW and her kids and not say anything. But one time they called her Melanie-mommy and I told them not to call her that and that I am their mother. And then I called ex and told him that it is inappropriate that they be calling her that especially since they are NOT married and that if he hears it to correct them. I'm sure jackass didn't but at least I said something to him.

I agree with many people hear but like to add. They are definately old enough to know how you feel about the OM. Tell them that you prefer not to hear about them unless they are out of line with something. If your ex was any kind of person than she wouldn't bring guys into thier lives unless it was serious.

I understand the feeling. But, I do have a but.

If you say something to the kids, they may feel guilty about having fun with the OM/OW. Then feel guilty because it would hurt you. Which in turn causes angst for them.

I do share your same feelings, but try looking at it from this side before you talk to them.

I would say do not ask them to restrict what they talk about. My daughter is 18 and one of the greatest things about our relationship is that she is comfortable telling me anything. Sometimes I have to bite my tongue and think really hard about how I want to respond, but she knows that she can tell me anything and I will not think less of her for it. The really great thing about that is she returns the favor and really listens when I offer my opinion to her. That is what you want to foster with your children. I know it is hard to hear about the OM but it will get easier with repetition (probably not what you were hoping to hear!). Stay strong.