i'm sorry, i don't understand what her free time has to do with you. i could just be really slow tonight, wanna explain?

I understand what you mean. Like what she is doing. It has been a short time but I still think about and wonder what he is doing. I think this process will just take time.
God Bless

She had/has a guy friend at work, and I keep thinking that he played into this just a bit. So when I have the kids, who I love more than anything, I think "what's she doing with her free time? Maybe with this guy." Is this immature jealousy garbage.

You have to put that out of your mind and consider her just the mother of your kids now and nothing more than that...easier said than done but still vital to your healing.

Mike40, you say I should just think of her as the mother of my kids (she is a great mom, btw). I guess the problem is that I'm still in love with her. Any secrets to get over this?

(Also for all: I'm new at this site and wondering if I'm replying correctly to this chain. Thanks for any technical advise too.)

You are doing fine, technically ;-)

You have to put all of your time and effort into caring about You, not Her. Impossible, but you will get there. Just takes lots of practice.

It's very hard for me to stop caring about her and start caring more about me. No way to fast forward this, I guess!

Even though this is still new to me, I understand what you are saying. I am afraid that I will be wondering what my stbx is doing and what his life is going to be like. He's going to party, meet other women, etc..etc..kinda jealous of what he may have and what he may be doing.

I guess this will go away in time. I hope. You (I do too) need to get yourself a life of your own, and find happiness. It can and will happen for you. Enjoy your children, which I am sure that you do already. They are what is important right now, not what your ex is doing. Take it easy!!

I had nightmares for three months seeing my wife and her boyfriend having sex in my brain over and over again. Realizing her colleague cost me my life, wife and kids is horrific. I have started dating, but that's a slow process.

keep working on you. you sound like you'er doign great. I used to do the same thing. now, is just me and the kids' time. enjoy that.

With time and lots of prayer you will move past that. Not to sound cold hearted, but just think about this each time you find your mind wandering that way. She is not thinking about me. Because she isn't. Good luck.

Sadly, you can't snap your fingers and make yourself not care about what she's doing or who she is seeing. That will come with time. Six months is a very little piece of time compared to six years, remember that.

You are finally reaching out for help, which means your road to healing has begun. What you want will follow.

12 years, sorry

RobNi, how long did it take you to know that you were ready to date again, and has it helped you get past your thoughts? I know you know this: the more I think about it, the more angry I get and the more I wish I would have done something to let this guy know just how he's affected a family.

Hey iadtmom, that is a very unique way for me to think about this situation! I will give it my best shot. Thanks!