the mind wandering is hard thats for sure..you need sleep thats really really really important

forget about the stepson, hes no longer your business and not sure why you care anyway all that kid did was cause problems

try your best to concentrat on what U need now and let go of anything u can. It is not as easy as i would like and if i could tell u how i would.

One reason my sleep is interruted is I have a old dog who has cancer and for some reason she wakes me up 2-3 times in the middle of the night to go out, so what are you supposed to do?

My sympathies go out to you. Not being able to sleep is a torture. I have not followed your story so I do not feel qualified to help (the road to Hell being paved with good intentions) but I shall hope that these times will end soon and you can live your life again.

My stepson - it's just that I would like to know how things are going with him being back home, I ask, and he won't say because he said we will just fight about it. But if the counseling goes good and I consider going back to try with him, that is an important factor to me. This kid wasn't the cause of our problems, but it was just an added stress at the end there.

Hey Reb,

You definitely need to get some sleep. In the early months of my separation, lack of sleep really took its toll on me. I had the same problems: confusion, lethargy, lack of concentration. My doc prescribed an anti-anxiety medicine; it really helped.

As far as the dog goes, talk to your vet. Maybe he/she can suggest something.

I do agree with msde, the stepson is no longer your concern. He mistreated you and doesn't deserve you loyalty. Focus on taking care of yourself. Make yourself the priority right now.

Rebel - You care enough to ask how your stepson is doing. He blocks you out and won't tell you.

Why do you think this is and how does it make you feel?

He gave me xanax to try, i usually don't take well to those kind of medications, puts me too out there spacey like, so he told me to try a 1/2 a one and see how it goes, i did and i don't really feel like it did anything really. 4Queens he told me he doesn't want to talk about my stepson because if he tells me he is doing good, i make remarks like, is that because your letting him do whatever he wants to do, and he doesn't want to hear my comments.

That's not what I asked. I asked why YOU think he is not telling you, not the reason he gives.

Why do you think he is not telling you?

Maybe he isn't telling me because he has been acting up and doesn't want me to know about it, or it's just what he said if he tells me the kid is doing good i pick at it, not sure queens, what do you think?

In my opinion rebel it's him letting you know that he is in control and he's the boss. You want information and he's not giving it to you because he doesn't have to. He controls how much you get to know.

That could be queens if that's the case not a good sign.

And if he really was willing to try to work on the marriage, why wouldn't he tell you about a child you helped raise for the past years?

How many posts here do you read where the only contact is regarding the children? People talk about the kids. You have too. Even if it turns into a disagreement, the well being of the kids is vital.

So, okay, they are step kids. But if he really wanted you to stay in the marriage, I would expect him to keep you informed on the kids AND ask your opinion.

Do you agree?

I agree with Queens and additionally, if he was committed to working this out - knowing that the stepson has been an issue in the past as well as having threatened you, I would think that he would WANT to keep you in the loop about what's going on.

You said yourself Reb that what's going on with the stepson could very well influence your decision about working on the marriage further and certainly influence any decision you may make about ever moving back in with him. Why would he not want to be up front and honest with you about this issue?

Sounds like he's using it, like Queens has said, as another form of control AS WELL AS being passive aggressive and manipulating you with guilt by saying he doesn't want to talk about it because you'll only fight about it. He's throwing your own words back in your face by saying that because you had said last week you didn't want to fight anymore - you didn't want to talk about past issues that would make you fight.

I think he's (yet again) being pretty shitty to you Reb.

I agree Queens, your right i did help raise this kid for the past 7 years now, went to visit him in alot of the hospitals he was in, but now he won't tell me how he is doing because i will pick at it, thanks for opening my eyes on this one, unbelievable.