Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I am hoping to find a bit of support and hopefully some advice. Here is my story:
I am a 33 yrs old, married with two kids, ages 2 and 4. I had a gut feeling when I married my husband (14 years older) that this wasn't the one, but I was reassured by friends and family that he was. Life pre-marriage was great, as is typical. We got married and our first chil came along 2 weeks before our 1st anniversary. It got real tough at that point because he doesn't do well with babies and lack of sleep. It turned into a competition on who had it worse in life (we both work full time). It was a liitle miserable, but bearable. So, number two came along two years later, and everything got worse. To the point that I started with anxiety attacks and had to go on antidepressants to deal with life. Besides the kids thing, we have had two major issues. First, he will not put our money together. Everything is seperate. He, until recently, would not disclosed what he paid monthly in bills. I knew he took care of the basic household stuff, but that was it. I pay for daycare, groceries and all extras. I have told him all along that I was sinking in debt. It is now at the point where I am about to start defaulting on credit cards (haven't yet, but it's coming). I make 50K per year, but pay out $2200/mo in groceries, daycare, health ins, gas, etc. That doesn't even include my credit card payments (I'm in 55K). I am going down the tubes. I suggested that we roll the debt into the home equity line of credit (we have 45K left to pay on a 250K house). He absolutely refuses. He said that I got myself in--I can get myself out. I may sound bitter because of this, but it really is everything in general. He is not thoughtful--no extras ever. In fact, we go weeks without speaking about more than the kids. We pretty much despise each other. I attempted to get him to go to counselling, but he doesn't believe in that. I think he would just live miserably than to break up and not see his kids every day (he is much better with them now that they're a little older). I called a divorce lawyer to see what my options are. He had the house for 16 years before we were married. He also has about 110K in the bank. I was told that since most of that was existing when we got married, I would pretty much get nothing. I also make more than him now (left his p/t job) so the child support wouldn't be much, maybe $800/mo. The lawyer also told me that I would have to prove that moving my kids out would be more beneficial to them than staying where they are now. There is no chance my husband would move out, and he has told me he will spend every last dime he has to keep the kids with him. I am a great mother, and I do alot with and for my kids. I have to give my husband credit, he is alot more involved with his kids than alot of stories I hear, and he really enjoys being with them. I guess I am selfish in feeling I am the only one who is losing out here. I need a fulfilling relationship. I currently get substandard treatment. We don't even sleep in the same bedroom. The only time he is sort of nice is when he wants sex, which is about once per month. After that it just goes back to being nasty. We try to stay on a normal level in front of the kids, but this is just killing me. Sorry for the long post. I really could use some advice. Has anyone been in a similar situation and made the jump? I hate to hurt my kids and to put them in lower class living standards, but this is just killing me. Please help!!
I am a 33 yrs old, married with two kids, ages 2 and 4. I had a gut feeling when I married my husband (14 years older) that this wasn't the one, but I was reassured by friends and family that he was. Life pre-marriage was great, as is typical. We got married and our first chil came along 2 weeks before our 1st anniversary. It got real tough at that point because he doesn't do well with babies and lack of sleep. It turned into a competition on who had it worse in life (we both work full time). It was a liitle miserable, but bearable. So, number two came along two years later, and everything got worse. To the point that I started with anxiety attacks and had to go on antidepressants to deal with life. Besides the kids thing, we have had two major issues. First, he will not put our money together. Everything is seperate. He, until recently, would not disclosed what he paid monthly in bills. I knew he took care of the basic household stuff, but that was it. I pay for daycare, groceries and all extras. I have told him all along that I was sinking in debt. It is now at the point where I am about to start defaulting on credit cards (haven't yet, but it's coming). I make 50K per year, but pay out $2200/mo in groceries, daycare, health ins, gas, etc. That doesn't even include my credit card payments (I'm in 55K). I am going down the tubes. I suggested that we roll the debt into the home equity line of credit (we have 45K left to pay on a 250K house). He absolutely refuses. He said that I got myself in--I can get myself out. I may sound bitter because of this, but it really is everything in general. He is not thoughtful--no extras ever. In fact, we go weeks without speaking about more than the kids. We pretty much despise each other. I attempted to get him to go to counselling, but he doesn't believe in that. I think he would just live miserably than to break up and not see his kids every day (he is much better with them now that they're a little older). I called a divorce lawyer to see what my options are. He had the house for 16 years before we were married. He also has about 110K in the bank. I was told that since most of that was existing when we got married, I would pretty much get nothing. I also make more than him now (left his p/t job) so the child support wouldn't be much, maybe $800/mo. The lawyer also told me that I would have to prove that moving my kids out would be more beneficial to them than staying where they are now. There is no chance my husband would move out, and he has told me he will spend every last dime he has to keep the kids with him. I am a great mother, and I do alot with and for my kids. I have to give my husband credit, he is alot more involved with his kids than alot of stories I hear, and he really enjoys being with them. I guess I am selfish in feeling I am the only one who is losing out here. I need a fulfilling relationship. I currently get substandard treatment. We don't even sleep in the same bedroom. The only time he is sort of nice is when he wants sex, which is about once per month. After that it just goes back to being nasty. We try to stay on a normal level in front of the kids, but this is just killing me. Sorry for the long post. I really could use some advice. Has anyone been in a similar situation and made the jump? I hate to hurt my kids and to put them in lower class living standards, but this is just killing me. Please help!!
-
I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
-
theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
Refuses to share his money as our money. But has no problem spending yours. Refuses disclosure of his money, but wanwants to know to the penny what you make. Pays for what he considers to be his responsibility anythin over and above is your responsibility. He works harder, therfore you should get up with the kids, care for the kids, etc.
If he refuses to go to counseling so be it, GO for yourself and your own sanity.
Your debt, if you have talk honestly with him about what it is and he refuses to help. Go and roll it into the home equity. Let him find out by you your when they send him the letter to let him know. Don't let him contribute to ruining your credit.
My name is not on the house or the home equity line of credit. No chance of just doing the consolodation myself. My options are bankruptcy or debt negotiation. I've looked into all other avenues. I do already go to counseling. I've been told that his behavior will not change, and is inclined to get worse. I never expected this when I got in!!