Well since the last time I was here I have totally hit rock bottom. I ended up moving back home with my family before the divorce has even been finalized. This has me so scared that I am going to loose the kids. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like any choice that I make it he wrong choice. I started getting these ticks and shakes. I have daily breakdown that keep me from functioning like a normal person. I am currently seeking counciling to see if that will help me deal with this. Everyone keeps telling me that it's okay and that it will get better, but things seem to be getting worse for me! I did get a job within a week of being here, I guess that is a good thing but I can't bring myself to celebrate that accomplishment. I feel lower than low, and all I can think about is my babies! I can't stop going over in my head of what I could have done to keep this from happening. I guess the reality is that there was nothing I could have done! I got played and used for our kids, now she is ready to move on now that she has what she wants. I just wish she would call one day and tell me to come home! I really don't think that will ever happen but it will always stay in the back of my mind. But, what is wrong with me, she used and abused me, but I still want here back! That is not rational thinking is it? I feel like I'm going crazy! Someone please help me!
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