Most people want that connection with another person...but they haven't yet found the "COURAGE" to love. They are still stuck in BLAME. They blame their bad childhood, they blame their ex-wife/ex-husband/ex-lover, they blame their religion, their job, their neighbor, their children, their parents, their friends....everyone but themselves!!! They seek out partners who are bad for them so that they do not have to examine THEIR OWN ISSUES!!! And they (and us) wonder why we keep ending up in the same spot!!! Different partner, different name...but same relationship!! How many of us held on to someone who we were NOT happy with for much too long just because we were afraid???? Have you ever stopped for a moment to think about why or what is making us afraid?? For example, do you think about "image issues" - not wanting to be seen with someone who treats you GREAT but who does not fit your idea of rich enough, good looking enough, smart enough, etc. Have you ever been in a r/s where YOU were the one not all that attracted to the person and were constantly looking for an excuse to get out?? My "issue" came to light when I was 35! During all of that time, I viewed myself as the "victim" because I was the one who wanted "marriage"/"commitment". However, I kept putting up with the shenanigans of men whose every move, nuance, being suggested that they wanted ANYTHING BUT a committed r/s. Their WORDS said they wanted it (b/c the assholes didn't want to be left alone until they found another victim)..but their ACTIONS screamed the answers that I needed...but didn't want to accept. Instead of having the courage to simply walk away, accept that the r/s was NOT meant to be, I hung on HOPING for THEM TO CHANGE. PEOPLE DON'T CHANGE - NOT YOU, NOT ME, NOT THEM!!! Once we all decide to do a little soul searching, letting go of "blame" making a clear decision that we want a "healthy" r/s in our life, then I believe we will settle for nothing less. But that will take COURAGE to walk away from what we may perceive at the time as potential. I saw a few red flags shortly before my second marriage took place...but I chose to ignore them because I was swept away in the feeling of being "IN LOVE". I was caught up in fantasy...and that is very hard to give up. However, I thank God every day that I was strong enough to walk away once I knew what he was really about. I will find happiness again with someone b/c I will keep it real. He, however, will continue to seek out his fantasy person (who doesn't exist of course) and will question until he dies why he hasn't found it. You see, he is still STUCK IN BLAME!!!
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