my friends that i have talked to have said that breakups don't come easy, and that some have to hang on for a long time before eventually letting go. they have told me, that eventually they're will be a day when i feel i'm ready and i just say that's it, i'm done. but, this fear in me over shadows all of my thoughts, i can't seem to get my head together and be strong enough to be on my own. things are rocky, sometimes they're okay, other times they are bad, for example today i had to go buy some liquid, window rinse for the car, i was out, i had no idea my husband was going to get home early, i left the house without cleaning it, like he had told me the night before, after walmart the kids and i went to burger king, then i stopped by to get some stuff at another store, to my surprise he got home early, it was around noon, he calls me on my cell phone, and asks in a very irritated tone, that where was i , i lied and i said i was buying the window cleaner which i had bought already, except i was at another store, just in order for him not to get any angry than he already was. so i grab the stuff i'm buying and leave the store, i get home, he's upstairs, vacuuming the floor and putting his soccer uniform in the dryer, about 40 min. pass by, he comes down says, see you later i'm going to the soccer game. as long as i'm home he's happy, so wth, i really get frustrated, i don't need to be in a situation like this, i tell myself. i deserve to have peace in my own home. so, then when the freaking night comes, he wants to have his cake and eat too, ya think i'm in the mood, hell no.....anyhow, lately sex has been just another chore in the house, and a stress relief for him. i hate the fact that i don't have the guts to leave, i feel guilty if i do. i'm not strong enough.
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