The last two weeks have been crazy, I was kidding myself the whole time, I did want him back and now it is too late. We went out last night, had a great time, then I had one too many beers and the flood gates opened. I told him I still loved him, I wanted to work things out, what did I get? "I am not over you either, but I don't think we are meant to be together. I have met someone else and I want to make it work". Stab to my heart...............it's over. This sounds very reasonable coming from him, I know. Sadly, this is not a reasonable man, this is a man who has made my life a living hell for the last 13 years with is drinking, emotional abuse and immaturity. Now that I have divorced him he has changed for the better? I got the worst of him, now someone new gets the best? How is that fair? My heart is broken again, I feel like a complete fool, I gave him the power over me again. Why can't I move on, why am I stuck in this place that can't feel alive unless I am hurting?
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I am so full of poison. Seeting and bubbling and I try to shut everyone away but even here I think of the most mean and hurtful things I could reply to everyone's posts. And I can only just stop myself. Ashley is poison. I want to die.
i spike to me cpn today. I was talking about how unbareable things feel atm that i want to kill myself. He talked back at me like he knew what i was going through. He has no fucking idea whats so ever. He i have firm belief everyone has there own pains in life to deal with ect. But he clearly hasnt ever felt this intensely. For starters i have EUPD which tends to mean i feel this more intensely...