
Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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The thought of pulling the rug out from under her is killing me. She is a good mother, but why does she drink while on anti-depressants? I have been hearing it's real bad to drink 4/5 wine coolers every/every other weekend while on meds.
When I tell my wife something, it comes out opposite. She stretches the truth to fit her needs. She tell people she is being abused. She says we are already seperated(not) and I should move out. She says I never played an active role in the kids lifes. She thinks i'm having an affair with my neighbor, which is an old girl friend(20 years ago)who has had 3 boy friends in the past 18 months she has lived here. 1 lived with her for a year. Where would I fit in there? LOL. She says I am undermining her from the kids. Why does she say all these lies? I know now it's the alcohol and meds confusing her.
They asked in mediation if their is substance abuse, we said no. I am not sure now, is their?
Everyone sides with her, I look like a big jerk. What am I supposed to do?
Cheer me up please.
When I tell my wife something, it comes out opposite. She stretches the truth to fit her needs. She tell people she is being abused. She says we are already seperated(not) and I should move out. She says I never played an active role in the kids lifes. She thinks i'm having an affair with my neighbor, which is an old girl friend(20 years ago)who has had 3 boy friends in the past 18 months she has lived here. 1 lived with her for a year. Where would I fit in there? LOL. She says I am undermining her from the kids. Why does she say all these lies? I know now it's the alcohol and meds confusing her.
They asked in mediation if their is substance abuse, we said no. I am not sure now, is their?
Everyone sides with her, I look like a big jerk. What am I supposed to do?
Cheer me up please.
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mine said i was cheating too a whore etc. it was all my fault and etc. he did no evil. etc everthing yours has done i think there is a antidepressant addiction there. they blame the innocent one for everything they are doing wrong. truth will come out later. dont worry about it. mine said i was stalking him and all of my family which none of us where why would we i was glad to get rid of him.
truth will come back on her.
Only you can say if there is abuse. She's not capable (denial is a major symptom). Follow your gut on this.
From my experience, the behavior is indicative of abuse.
Let me ask you a question. If someone else posted what you wrote, what would you think?
For years I blamed the alcohol. All I was doing was enabling him to continue the insane behavior. When, in fact, he made the choice to drink or not drink. NO ONE ELSE is responsible for making that choice but the user. He also drank while on anti-d's. He was a highly functional alcoholic, no one EVER SAW HIM DRINK!!! He wasn't a falling down slurring, slobbering drunk.
This is a sample of his logic. One day he announced that he couldn't be an alcoholic b/c he wasn't like his fellow AA'rs in that he'd never been in jail, he'd never killed anyone, he's never missed work due to a hang over, he didn't squander the family assets (he co-signed a $10K loan for an AA buddy who promptly defaulted, but I guess that doesn't count), let me control the $), he never got a DUI (only by the grace of God), he was never divorced (ooops, can't say that any more).
He twisted everything I ever said and I ended up thinking I was crazy b/c I couldn't remember what I'd said. He became proficient at deflecting any discussion to some idiotic point that had nothing to do with anything and we'd get so far off track, there nothing ever got resolved.
It is common for them to make you out to be the jerk, especially to others. They are NEVER responsible for anything.
He convinced our last marriage therapist that he didn't have a problem. When the therapist said that to me, I asked why would someone with no problem go thru rehab twice AND say he attends daily AA meetings????? Oh, and his reason for attending AA? He felt comfortable with the people there.
After seeing him only twice, a different therapist pulled me aside and said "He's toxic!"
Their logic is flawed, yet they require us to justify every action while they are exempt from their own "rules." Crap, I never knew what the "rules" were. He made them up as he went along and changed them from one minute to the next.
They keep us off balance and we keep thinkings there's something we can do to fix them or the situation.
I could tell you stories that would leave you speechless.
Such is alcoholic behavior... This does terrible things to the family. It's an insidious disease that can leave permanent scars on you and your children so please do whatever it takes to save your sanity and that of your children! No matter how much you love her or want her to get better, she won't - not until she decides to.
I took my vows very seriously, especially the in sickness & in health. I would rationalize staying & thus enabling him, by telling myself that I wouldn't leave him if he had cancer so why would I leave because of the alcoholism.
Now, I realize that he is the captain his own sinking ship and while he may be required to stay with it as it goes down, I am NOT, not any more. I am no good to anyone if I am as sick as he is and by staying, I stayed sick.
My children are grown, but because I stayed, they have problems. Both are in denial. One has a drinking problem. My d-i-l told me she worries about grandpa driving her children anywhere b/c she can smell it on his breath. My son does not seem to notice. I contributed to this b/c I didn't get us all out when I should have.
I still have a lot of recovering and healing to do, but I can't do it in the midst of the epidemic b/c I keep getting reinfected. So I'm staying away for good.
For the sake or your children, you need to take care of you. One healthy & sane parent is better than none.
You are all right, I can not stop her, she is a big girl. I just don't want to look like i'm in a bad light from squeling on her. But yes, I do need to protect the kids, they are 9 and 10. She never really drank when she first came on the anti d's but after she met her current "best friend" it has slowly gotten worse.
Wistful, are you a speed typer?. You said "trust your gut" and I want to, it's just the reprecusions(sp)i'm afraid of. I never know what to expect when I come home, she is either real happy or real mean. It's wierd.
Stay Storng!