My hub use to be in the army (1st golf war) then came out. He, like many other lads had a very difficult time outside the army. At first he found it hard to settle down in a job. Then around 1 year after leaving the army he found a job which he liked. 2years later he has a serious accident at work. He nearly lost his arm and was in hospital 5/6 weeks. I use to have to travel (daily) 2 hours (one way) with very young kids.
Anyway, he became weird started to drink more. I tried talking to him but he just wouldnt open up.
He eventually went to uni whilst I worked p/t. He got his hnd, I am very proud of him. I believe in him a lot and know he can do anything he wants. He wants to do things but doesnt. His excuse is that he hasnt time. (Even when hes at home doing nothing).
He got a job working with computers but the company went under. A while later he got a job working on running machines, that company also went under. He is now back with the company he was with when he had the accident, there are rumours that this company is going to be sold.
The last 6 months he has been off work due to him hurting his back.
Sometimes he still drinks a lot and doesnt know went to stop.
I had a car accident 8 years ago that has left me with back and neck injury. It never occurred to me that my hub wouldnt stand by me and treat me the way he did.
About 4 years ago I asked him why he treated me like he did and why he wasnt helping me to get better. I said people who love or care for each other DONT treat each other like this. They want what is best for that person. I asked him if he still cared and wanted me to be there, as at the time I had somewhere else to live (my grandad who also brought me up and was like a father to me. He was ill at the time, so I thought I could look after him and have a break for husband (hoping to sort out our marriage)). He told me it was all my imagination and that everything was ok. Then a few months after my grandad died he turned around and said, I DONT LOVE U and havent for sometime, youre not the person I married. Youve put a lot of weight on and your just not the person I married. Although this really did hurt me at the time, I respected him for having the courage to tell but I was b***** annoyed that he didnt tell me when I asked. I had somewhere to live.
He did put 90% of the blame onto me (which I must say I havent been the easiest person to live with. I am a bitch). But he still should of tried to help me come to turns with what had happened to me.
He said well stay together and see how things go, see if I get better (all this happens when hes been drinking). Now hes turned around and said he doesnt want to work at the marriage, so we are separating around July/August time (I dont think he was drinking at the time).
I am trying very hard not to show him how much he has hurt me, because as I went through depression (caused by everything that has happened since the accident), I use to keep a journal of what had happened that day and how I was feeling. He read it and laughed. I cant believe he read something so personal to me and laughed. So now I dont write things down. There is a lot more things that has happened, mainly when hes been drinking.
I still love him (he was my first love) sad isnt it! I know Ive changed and Im not the person he married but I can say the same about him. I just want to know why he hates me so much. I have tried to cope with what has happened but havent had any support from him, he just like to say its my IMAGINATION. And he wont tell me why he has done the things he has done to me (and the kids).
I need to know could it be the alcohol or his accident because he hasn't really talked about what had happened or is it just me.
I still love him and want what is best for him.
I really do need total honesty.