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Is forgiveness needed to really move on?

deleted_user
deleted_user
My living situation is agony (my husband quit on our marriage for no reason at all other than saying "I just dont' have what it takes to be married" and I unfortunately have to live with him for financial reasons until I finish school in two years.I am filled with hatred for what my husband has done to me and my life and despair. Living together is a hell I wouldn't wish on anyone and obviously trying to move on like this is beyond challening...but I NEED to...I WANT to...and I'm wondering...is forgiveness necessary for me to really be able to move forward and focus on me? What do you all think? Is forgiveness a necessary step to move forward? Or will it just eventually happen when its supposed to happen. I feel shackled in place...as much as I want to try to move forward, the pain and despair is like quicksand all around me and all I do is sink in my efforts to move forward. I'm wondering if forgivenss is a lifeline I need to accomplish before I can really move forward with rebuiding my life..
deleted_user
deleted_user
I'm not at this point yet. But I suspect that the ultimate contol over your destiny involves forgivness. That way you have let go all the pain and hurt. He can't affect you any more. In your situation ...that will be horrendouly difficult because you really need space. Find another living arrangement. Exchange sitter service for a room, or live with an elderly person for a room or become a resident assistant in a dorm. Anything to get away.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I truly wish I could...without going into detail, let me just say, its impossible. Financially...this relationship has raped me and I have nothing. Going back to school FT...even a PT job wouldn't give me enough to survive on. And as lame as it probably sounds...I will not abandon my pets....they are my family.
I know what you mean though...living like this makes moving on next to impossible, but I will make it work...I will survive...he WILL NOT WIN.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Concentrate on school...study like mad...and make a sucessful escape...nothing woud suck more then leaving and having to come back or needing to come back and having no where to go....do you have famiy you could live with other then the stbx?

KIM
deleted_user
deleted_user
I think eventually all of us have to get to a point of forgiveness and move on but living with an ex can be at the very least difficult if not impossible.

Hope you find a better way to finish school than living with ex.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Strained family relationships and no offers...my entire family knows my circumstance. Your post nailed it right on the head...my going back to school is my escape plan...laying the way to get OUT of here... Wishing I felt I had more power over my life. Wondering if forgiveness is the key to unlocking it?
deleted_user
deleted_user
I struggled with this question alot. The more I read about forgiveness and really focused on the why and how of forgiving my xh, it just seemed to happen one day. I was steadily working towards it all along I suppose. I also feel pity for him bc I look at his life now and I really feel bad for someone who can make such consistent bad choices and end up like him.
As long as you are conscious of the fact that forgiveness is not a gift to the person you are forgiving, but a gift to yourself... it'll happen in due time and when you are ultimately ready. Sorry you have to live with him.... that must be awful. God Bless sweetie.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I needed to find acceptance, not necessarily forgiveness. Acceptance that the situation would not improce and what happened is in the past and I can't change it.

I can't imagine living with stbx. I don't know how you do it. {{{HUGS}}}
deleted_user
deleted_user
I have to agree with wherami. For me, acceptance was a lot more helpful to me than forgiveness.

I forgave my stbx very early on, somehow. But I couldn't move on emotionally until I could accept what had happened, and that our relationship was over.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Forgiveness can't happen until there is acceptance over what happened.
deleted_user
deleted_user
A friend on DS wrote a quote in her journal thats really stuck with me tonight...
"Forgiveness is giving up the hope that things would have been different."
I guess my trouble is more about accepting the negative changes in my life, rather than accepting his actions and his decision. Whats most painful to me right now is how its warped my life into something twisted and not at all what I had hoped for
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am at the acceptance stage. Not sure what is the next stage. Forgiveness is a ways off for me right now. I think I first need to forgive myself.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I've accepted whats happened...I just can't seem to accept what his choices have done to my life though. The hardest thing is giving up a career and dream I loved and was my lifelong passion, becuase I can't support myself on it...to go back to school and settling for something else. I feel like he's robbed me of so much and thats the one thing I can't seem to get over...
deleted_user
deleted_user
I know how you feel. My wife of only two months told me she just could not be married and gave up. I am still living with her and it is emotional hell. We do not speak to each other and ignore each other. We were so in love once and now it hasturned to this. And she seems to not be bothered at all. I hate that the most.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Rodd18....I know what you mean...the indifference and callous disregard for the emotional agony is the worst. I think indifference is worse than hatred...the utter lack of any emotion at all is inhuman in my opinion.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Is it forgive AND forget or forgive OR forget... if it's the latter, I think I'm going to forget about it for now. THinking about him (even if it were to forgive) is just taking up too much of my time. Maybe later...
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