Hi. I'm a new member and have been here just a matter of days. I am the left (not the leaver). Still new to the process of divorce; I have my first consult with my likely lawyer in a couple days and we have not even filed yet. So, still reeling. Rational one moment and spittingly angry the next. Numb followed quickly by sad followed quickly by relieved followed quickly by scared, etc., etc. Currently I am trying my best to summon the strength for a few important 'first' things - backing out of the blame game, backing out of caring what he thinks of me and his judgments about me, backing out of being reactive in favor of being proactive. Trying to move on from debating the past (as if we'll ever share a unified vision) and trying to turn myself toward negotiating the details of the future. I wrote myself a little manifesto the other day about how I want to behave and who I want to be in all of this, and I must say I am derailed from following it about 10 times a day, LOL. Hopefully I can begin to nudge that number downward day to day so that I can be again a self-defining person and not the quivering mass of defensive, angry distractions and reactions that I am currently. I guess that's a day-by-day, moment-by-moment struggle, huh? Lord, give me strength!
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