It hasn't gone away for me, but I have learned to block those images out. That is one imaginary movie I can not handle, even for a second. It was driving me nuts, literally!

Good question. I have learned something for myself, when I am feeling really good and happy the images just seem to go away. When things start getting to a bad point, they are there front and center.

Those images come and go for me, and I don't know when it finally stops.

I'm guessing it will eventually, probably when we've moved on enough that we don't love them any more. I can't wait until I get to that point.

No kidding it's not a 'romantic novel'. How much love can there be in an affair? Would you really want to be the OW? Think of the shame, the guilt. Sex without love. Think of waiting for him to cheat on you!!! Didn't have this happen to me, but I've certainly had opporatunaties to cheat with married men. I wouldn't be in her shoes for the world.

As someone who's admitted had an affair...I know what I did was absolutely abhorent...and i regret it. I tend to begin remembering things and all the shame and guilt crop back to the surface, and if it's that painful for me, then it's got to be only a small portion of what the STBX feels and I feel like scum of the earth all over again...even after learning to forgive myself, I still have to deal with things (because of the kids) and it doesn't seem to be something that will ever go away....it was 4/5 years ago and the feelings are still there. Most folks think I get what I deserve and should rot in hell..... *shrugs* ....I am glad I've had friends who, although they never would condone what I've done, have accepted than I do feel remorseful....I just wish the STBX didn't act like such a bitch to me everytime we talk so she could see it...I am not going to walk around for the rest of my life with my "tail tucked"....I deserve to find happiness in the future as much as anyone else...including those I hurt.

Guess I figured I'd share from the other side....

I currently block it out, but yes, I can see images of her affair quite vividly. What's worse is that I actually saw real PICTURES of their affair. Some of them just being together, some of them playing around lovingly on the beach, and even a few of them HAVING SEX.

If those images come into my mind, I start shouting NO NO NO NO NO. And, it's either sleeping pills or antidepressants, depending on the situation to get me to block it out of my mind again.

I think this is hell that I will always have to go through for the rest of my life.

My wife comes back tomorrow night and that's one of the things I want so badly to explain to her--how she's permanently damaged me with what she did. I want her to suffer from some of the permanent pain that she gave me for the rest of her life, too.

I think we're going to start with I'm going to force her to admit and apologize to my family IN PERSON for what she did. That's a good start for letting her see the pain a little more clearly.

She said she'd do whatever I asked partially because I still have the upper hand with the INS and she could have major problems if I called them.

Outskiing, I can feel for you as I am in exactly the same situation as you describe.

I dont think they have gone away, but I have definetly gotten to a point where it doesnt bother me anymore. I would like to think I am a forgiving person, and while my marriage is ending soon, I have forgiven him and her for doing this. For me, it is something that I simply cannot change, I can only learn from it and go forward. I understand where you are at, and just want you to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

I will tell you this, when I caught her on her knees with him I thought the world had ended. Today it is just OK, when it he thought of them together enters your mind you must say no, no ,no until it goes away. It serves not purpose, it does not good.

Yes, I "see" them together in my mind sometimes -- when I think about it now, that part has not bothered me as much as other parts because I know they are both married sex addicts and it HAS to be sex without love. I know stbx and his addictions all too well, and I knew her for almost 3 eyars (and her husband) and she always had lovers on the side. I suppose this could be the "real thing" for the two of them, but I seriously doubt it. And if it is, who cares, if their "real thing" is based on lies and cheating and porn adn betrayal, they can have it, I don't want no part of it. So for me, when I picture them together, it is just sex, no romance, never any romance, I just couldn't ever believe it was romance, not based on how those two act and think. Maybe that makes it easier, knowing that there canot be any romance they are both so addicted to sex there isn't room for romance. And he is not even the same guy she worked with for almost 3 years -- teh seemingly successful, seemingly well-adjusted man-about-the-town is now on the unemployment line living in a trailer in the woods and is in debt up to his eyeballs. Sorry -- but his body and his sex ain't all that. She'll move on, she has never ahd a shortage of lovers in the past (as known by me and confrimed by her husband). Stbx is going to be very unhappy someday when the lust wears off.

RobertG36 - be careful. I know the pain and the need to seek some sort of justice. Just remember that it may not soothe what you are feeling and may even make you feel bad about it. I just figure that I didn't force her to marry me and I will no longer beg her to stay with me. As for telling others, at first I was just too damned embarrassed, no humiliated. Now I figure it is none of there business. Now, should the kids one day ask, that is another subject...

Good luck with tomorrow. Don't do anything that you will regret, but do maintain your dignity.