Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

11,861 Members
100,049 Posts
0 Online
Relationships & Sexuality
/ Breakups & Divorce Support Group

INPUT NEEDED PLEASE

deleted_user
deleted_user
Been having a rough time with the husband. We have not been getting along very well for awhile. Several weeks ago, we had a huge argument about him going out all the time. I belive he has been faithful to me. However he has found and used every excuse to be away from the house. I told him last week that he needs to make a decission on whether he wants to be married or not. I have yet to get an answer from him. Don't want to push for an answer but yet don't want to have a revolving door in our house. He has been playing cards,going to several different pool leagues and going to the casino while he has been off of work. He is suppose to go back to work next week. Do I push for an answer or wait to see what happens if and when he goes back to work. By the way, he has an unstable work history which is another conflicting issue we have in our marriage.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Would he be willing to go to a therapist or counselor and talk about your marriage? Sounds like having someone facilitate some constructive conversation might be helpful. Just a thought...
deleted_user
deleted_user
I'am by no means an expert but sometimes I feel a need to do something akin to that. Not as much as you claim he does but being married and having four kids I feel like I have given up a lot. There are a lot of things that I used to do that I don't get to do anymore. I feel like this most when I feel powerless, like I'm not needed, or trapped. Don't get me wrong, I love my wife and kids, but sometimes the weight of how much is riding on me suffocates me.
Instead of an ultimatum type of situation maybe you should just sit him down and try to talk to him and see what is on his mind.
deleted_user
deleted_user
No you don't push for an answer. You've already let your feeling be known. Instead of waiting for him to let you know how your life is gonna go. You tell him how your life is gonna go. decide what you're willing to tolerate and what you're not; take action and stick to your guns.
Thriver
Thriver
I wrote a post something like this a few years ago on another group. One person, a man, responded, "why do you think he has been faithful?" That stuck in my head, although I pretty much dismissed it or a long time. Now I realize, that my STBX has been, unfaithful doesn't really cover it - for years. I just couldn't believe it.
deleted_user
deleted_user
We did do the counselling thing two years ago. My H hated it. The counselor called him on alot of B.S. he was pulling and the H didn't want to go back. Those appointments were due to his drinking and how they were affecting our marriage. He has been sober for over a year and a half.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I wouldn't push for an answer, however, I would reach out for some professional help to guide you through this.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hmmm...this is tricky. Something I've learned is good is to establish timeframes. Tell him how you feel...how your marriage is important to you and how you want to work through whatever issues you both may have. Tell him you hope he feels the same, but are confused at where he stands on things at this point. Decide on a timeframe in your mind on how long you are willing to wait to discuss things...and let him know. You shouldn't rush him...but you also shouldn't have to face being in limbo land for a long time. I'd say a good solid month is enough time for him to really consider things...but thats just me. Its just an idea. You may want to suggest counseling again and just see what he says...Never hurts to ask. If he's against it, at least you know.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Maybe at this point, since you've already spoken up, step back from it, giving him time to think. I'm certainly not suggesting you hang on waiting in limbo, but I will suggest you thinking of what you want, and start doing things without him too. Live your life...he is, why shouldn't you.

If he's not cheating he certainly has a problem with cards, casinos and pool. He may feel suffocated, he may be cheating, he may be drinking again. I'm not being mean when I say this, we all have our eyes closed when it comes to the ones we love. Until we walk into that wall of "I can't believe I didn't see it earlier!"
Posts You May Be Interested In
  • irishwriter

    come unwind in the bp lounge

    Posted by: irishwriter
    Last Reply: kisses2016
    7992
    theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
  • Rizen

    Walk a Day

    Posted by: Rizen
    Last Reply: Rizen
    2577
    I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...