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IN DESPERATE NEED OF HELP AGAIN

deleted_user
deleted_user
with custody parenting plan. alot of you may know that i went to mediation yesterday and it went awful , I think. the mediators were pushy and i felt, they were kinda siding with stbx to do 50/50 which I DONT WANT.

we came up with

m and tu MOM
W and th DAD
every other weekend with Dad
every other weekend with mom

now ive come up with something else cause i still think the above is too much yo yo business for the kids and i woke up early this morning not able to sleep because im feeling uncomfortable about the mediation visit. etc etc etc.

anyway i came up with this:

mon thru Friday with MOM

every other M, and W. with Dad after school til 8
every other t, and th with dad after school til 8

every other weekend from friday after school til Monday morning

Id pick them up from the bus on monday afternoon

in the summer stbx would like every other weekend and 2 visits


be honest! Is this too confusing. I did nt think it was. the kids will know where thay will be every day rather than shuffling them around.

ive contacted my attorney of course. but havent heard back from her yet . she should be calling any time now.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Where is there any stability in this? These poor kids! OMG!
Can you imagine what it would be like to a little on to have to carry a day planner to try and keep track of where they are supposed to be and when? This is cruel,, animals are treated better! When did the 50/50 thing become the "in" thing in divorce? That can be in the "best" interest of any child!
Not angry at you at all,, I can see why you are at such an unrest... why does your H not really love these children? IMO, no parent would want to keep the children this unsettled!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Ann, What do the kids say?
The confusion aspect can be easily overcome by print an Outlook calendar (or any calendar for that matter) and having them draw in with different colors or whatever who they will be with.
How do you feel about a clause that says a quick phone call is needed if either party cannot keep that schedule for any given day (e.g., he is out of town for a day).
I have my worst times when my son is at hers because I have no-one to ground me. Conversely, I get so much done when he is at hers for the weekend, and so much freedom.
Whatever works best for the family.
deleted_user
deleted_user
You are right, it is too much yo-yoing. You can always get a psychologist to attest to that. I sounds like you really are trying to come up with an acceptable alternative and he should appreciate that.

Don't get discouraged. You are doing what you are doing because you care about the kids.

I am so sorry it is so difficult.
deleted_user
deleted_user
The more stability the better so keep it as simple as possible for the kid's sake. Our 50/50 arrangement is a week on and week off and the kids (ages 10 & 7) are adjusting well.
deleted_user
deleted_user
the mediator actually agreed with me on ONE aspect. that 1 week on 1 week off would be bad. they're too little for that. i cant be away from them that long and i DONT think they can from me.
what does anyone think about the 2nd plan i described

it was m-f with me , every other weekend with dad til monday morn and every othe m,w and every other t, th

something like that

i appreciate your inputs
deleted_user
deleted_user
I can tell you what we agreed to, and what's really happening.

X-1 day a week 9a.m.-7a.m &
Every other weekend Friday day, Sat morning-Sunday night(w/overnights on the weekend starting in 3 months)

Me-have them the rest of the time

Whats really happening so far:

X-every other weekend (1 1/2 days) Saturday morning-Sunday eve.

Me-the rest of the time.

IF your STBX is a good daddy he will honor a good schedule. Mine, he's an ok daddy so there ya go. I agree that too much juggling is bad bad bad.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Believe it or not - the suggested schedule is the VERY SAME schedule I had with my ex. Try not to live too far apart because the kids will "forget" their homework or backpack at dad's house when they don't want to do it ;-) Read my response on your other post.
deleted_user
deleted_user
what the mediators suggested sounds fair, and structured for the kids. your plan seems a bit outlandish and hard for the kids to follow let alone the parents and caregivers. why would you want to not share custody of the children with their father?
My ex wife wanted to get me for custody mainly because she wanted more child support only, not to have the children...
when she looked closer at it, she couldn't fit parenting as a priority as well, saw me as a commendable father and would be damaging to the children to try and pull either parent away from the kids unless that parent is going to put the child in danger, etc.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Yea not cool at all, not too mention lack of stability, but you are cutting your ex out of parenting... He is getting all the luxury time, and no actualy parenting for discipline, will actually work out against you because you will have to play the bad guy all the time.. My opinion.. reconsider..
deleted_user
deleted_user
My girls' dad is an electrical engineer (something close to an anal control freak - in the very best way) and he demanded that the custody decree be followed to the letter - to the minute - until he went on his month long hunting trip in November, or he went to Hawaii or Mexico for a week, or - you get the picture. I followed it unless he demanded otherwise. I figured the more time I had with my kids the better. I have 11 years of sharing custody under my belt now and my kids are closer now. He and the kids - not so much. I want them to have a relationship with him, though, so I encourage time with their dad. Once my girls got older my ex and I knew they essentially could decide for themselves where they wanted to be - and I knew that would happen when I let him go on all of his trips. They choose to be with me more now, but they made the choice themselves and my counselor says they are very well adjusted...
deleted_user
deleted_user
ok here we go again, im sorry . i need help. i shared the above with stbx last night and he didnt say no but has to think about it and discuss it with his attorney Mine says it is fair and looks ok. anyway he says it just doesnt seem like enough time with them cause he'd have homework and dinner and have to bring them to me .

so ive come up with this instead but i dont think i'll share it with him now cause everything it seems, that i come up with, is shot down. im losing hope here . HELP PLEASE.
anyway here it is.

Every other friday after school til sunday at 6

every other mon after school til tues in the morn.

every other wed to thurs morn

he'd wont be w/o seeing them for more than 4 days.
deleted_user
deleted_user
First of all, do you both live in the same town (same school district), if so there is always split custody. One week they stay with dad, and the other week they stay with mom. That works for a lot of families if he would be willing to do that. In those cases there is usually no support paid because you both are splitting the cost of the children.

That might work better instead of one day they are with you, the next with him, that is too much tossing back and forth for any children and that mediator needs to find a new job.

Split custody is used alot, and is more stable. If you are both in the same school district that might work out better.
deleted_user
deleted_user
First and foremost, this isn't about you or your husband this is what is in the best interest of the children. They want to see both of you and need both of you in their life. And like I said like I said, I think split custody week with you, week with him would be best if you live fairly close and they are able to go to school easily from both homes.
deleted_user
deleted_user
i realize its not about me or x and about the children's best interest. BUT i canot do split custody . for the reason that #1 the mediator says they're to young to go 5 days w/o the other parent and I agree w/that. We are going to be in the same town for the time being because we have a house and it wont sell overnight. but eventually id like to go back to my home town which is only 20 -30 minutes away. i am trying to come up with something fair and with sufficient time with dad. i told him already in front of the mediators i would send the boys with him on days when it wasnt his time if he had something special going on . i am not Trying to take away his rights. he's not a bad father.
deleted_user
deleted_user
My kids were raised in a shared custody situation and the non-custodial is now HATED by both of my sons,, they will not have anything to do with him or his family, cause he demanded "his" rights! Do you see what I am getting at? Those of you that keep saying that the other parent has a right to share in the raising of the children. You are right to a point! BUT if you were to ask a child they will tell you they want to play, they want to have friends and sleep overs, they want to be able to be invited to parties and actually get to go! You are selfishly robbing the children of their childhood in the "fairness" of the parents! I have tried to speak to ky adult children about this and they say that while they were children they were not given a "choice" now they are adults and the "choice" is theirs!
Good luck to you! I still preach stability!
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