You are blessed with 2 children. My husband would not have children with me because he already had a daughter and was too selfish to take on anymore responsibilities. I have 2 dogs - but at Christmas there seems no point putting a tree up because it means nothing to them. You can make life wonderful for your children. I know what it is like. I wake up too early and I have dreamt of my husband kissing me - and my first thoughts are of him. I dont know where he has moved to in the village 2 miles away and I find myself driving through it looking for his car. I cant understand how he can have just left me, nearly 5 weeks and we havent spoken - no goodbyes. I imagine him in his home cooking for his friends - I could see him if I went to his work place because he is behind a glass window in a shopping arcade...he does a radio programme - I am terrified of turning the radio on and hearing his voice which use to speak to me. You are not alone - and I suppose neither am I, but it doesnt make it any easier.

thanks kentrose..I'm going to go to bed. You ever think that there are no answers anywhere?
I do.

Mary trust that you have the power to determine your own path. Unfortunately the path you choose is a self-destructive one hence why you are wallowing in your own self created world! Can you link the current life you live to your negative energy and thoughts? Please accept I'm not being at all nasty, but I'm just trying to emphasize that YOU AND YOU ALONE HAVE THE POWER WITHIN TO CORRECT YOUR PATH AND LIVE THE LIFE YOU LONG FOR. That's the miracle of life but it takes conviction to this philosophy. I hope to God you take note. Trust me if you don't trust yourself. You'll then learn to trust yourself when things turnaround for you. All the best girl!

Well as long as things are new, the kids are on somewhat of honeymoon behavior with them. Reality will slowly settle in with him. Plus if you want to keep the kids mostly with you, he mostly will be "free" of them, but will also miss out on most of their childhood. Which is easier in one way with an autistic child, but also way more important. Your children will never develope the intense relationship with him that they will have with you. These are days he can NEVER get back.

mary, are you really sure he's happy? Do you care? at this point in time, you're definitely in a grief phase which you DO need to process and put to terms of what it is. there will be time for mvoing on, but if you don't fully accept where you're at, you cannot possibly move on. AND masking yourself in a relationship as your old spouse did, is just covering it up. THere's going to be a time and place where he's ten times more miserable than he was/you are.
Also, remember, in a new relationship everything int he beginning is new and fresh. Like fresh painted walls, or a new blossom on a tree. Soon, the blossoms wither and fall, or the paint gets finger prints and dirt on it. Just know in due time you will find the happiness you've had, in yourself and as well, your children are blessed to have a great mother. Be thankful for that, and know you do not need a person to make you happy inside you. In due time, that can be a focus but now, just work on who you are, accept where you are in the ending of your relationship, and know your children are still the most important to you.

Mary, I am feeling the same way. Stbx is dating another tonight that she met on the internet. We haven't even filed yet. Does your state of mind just come on? Mine does, and even though anjm is absolutely correct, that we have the power to change our thinking, the dawning realization jut now is that we have to have the motivation to use the power to change our thinking. I mut look for a motivating cause. Insomnia will rob us of the enrgy we need to create that motivation.
I feel for you.
What is your motivation?

# 3....tried not to take it as a nasty response, but did anyway. Felt like I got kicked in the stomach when I was already down.

#6 Thanks for your understanding, because yes, I do think we need to have the motivation to move on and not wallow right? Well, I woke up and decided that he doesn't get to take my peace of mind, either. I am going to try to be comfortable with my life as is it. I was upset that me, he would hit, and her, he would love unconditoionally. But I would rather he did change, than stay the same. I wouldn't want her to live what I lived. For now, that is my motivation.

#4 u r right, never get back...
and #5 I am going to try to stop caring as much...makes my day easier...

thanks guys

Mary, #3 was not trying to be nasty, it just came out wrong, I think she was trying to tell you, the same thing I am going to try to tell you! You and you alone control your feelings. I know you are in pain right now, as you have every right to be, however, if you continue to allow yourself to think about him all the time, you will not be able to pull yourself out of this! You have to find something else to focus on. He is not worth your time. You deserve so much more than he has ever given you!
He acts happy with her at this time, just like he probably did you in this stage! His eyes will open one morning and she will be old news and she will be treated the same way you were and he will do the same thing to her that he did to you! Pity her,, she is in for the pain that she helped him cause you!
We all care for you and are here to help you!
Big hugs!

Mary, I am riding that roller coaster again with you. I seem to be going backwards. I cannot remember what it was like to wake up and be happy,I feel like I am wearing a ball and chain around my heart, it feels so heavy. Also the holidays do not help, when out shopping cannot stand seeing all christmas decorations. Hop on a plane and come out to Australia... Also do not toture yourself of thoughts of the ex, things are not always who they seem, of course he wants you to think he is happy, mine plays that game all the time.

A friend of mine told me that all is not always rosy on the inside. It took her ex, who left her when she was 5 months pregnant and not "cute", one year to apologize and tell her he made the biggest mistake of his life...that is all she needed to know. Now when their son comes home from his dad, he tells him mom how her ex and his wife fought the whole weekend. What you see now, will not be the way it is in the future....give it time. One doesn't completely change, they come back to who they really are. (i myself am hanging on to that thought also) My stbx is doing things with his GF he never did with me...makes me sad, but he and I did make memories that he can't take away, especially with the children. Karma girl, karma!

Mary I am with you on this one I really hate this. All the work I put into my marriage and someone else is reaping the benefits.

I know that life is better without him, safer, for thst matter, and maybe understanding why he treated me the way he did will never come. Maybe it was me. Maybe something about me allowed him to hit me like he did. I can get over him, I can get over my marriage. It was just the way I was treated that holds me inn this place. You get slapped around by a guy for years, it messes with your head. It's hard to see him so nice to someone else. Makes me think it was something about me. I'm trying to let it go. I come here to vent

Some have said to not let yourself feel... I have no luck in controlling my feelings. My mind and heart don't obey each other. Rationally, I get it and it seems that you do to. Emotionally, I feel the way that I feel and I can't talk or think myself into feeling any other way. I am trying to honor my feelings and watch them as they go by. I don't have to act on them, but trying to stop them makes me crazy. I give myself the right to feel as I feel and not judge it and to pray for the courage to just wait and see what is next. I feel your pain and can certainly relate.

Mary, my dear,
men like that are "good" when it's new. If he's truly changed, then great for your kids. Doesn't sound like it though, he can't even come up with new pet names? That's sincere (not).

You are doing the right thing by feeling your feelings. venting your grief, anger and frustration.

Vent away sweetie!

I am so with you. I am going through the same thing. I don't have any advise for you now. But I do wish you the best. If I do come up with something I will let you know and will you do the same for me. Thank you and good luck to you.