I do not know what to do. I still love my husband so much but he doesnt feel the same about me. I dont understand why he doesnt want to be with me. He said he fell out of love with me before I left for Korea. And before I left he started an affair. How was I so blind. He said that he wanted to try to work it out. I tried to keep my cool but it didnt work. I found his e-mail passwords and was looking at his e-mail, found his myspace password and was looking at that, found his phone bills and looked at them. I finally was looking at them so much it wasnt healthy plus if I wanted it to work I needed to stop so I told him. Well he was mad and told me that it wouldnt work because I would always be looking over his shoulder and would never trust him again. I cant believe it but I begged for hiim to give me another chance but in the end he said he wanted a divorce. I just dont see how he cant see how hard this is for me and he couldnt give me time to work on trusting him again. He never was there to help me he just was so secretive and it made me go crazy. Its over but I just cant help but keep hoping that I will wake up from this nightmare and things will be okay. I have good days where I think I will be okay but for the most part I wake up and feel so sad, so scared, and so lonely. I just dont know how to stop holding on to this little piece of hope. There is no hope left, he has made that clear. How do I move on, I love him so much still, its so hard. Sometimes I just wish I could take some pills and fall asleep and never wake up. But I know that would hurt my family so much. My mom has already lost one son, if she lost me she would be so lost as well. But I just hate feeling like this. I hate that I dont understand how this all happened where I went wrong, where things went wrong. Im just so lost and dont know where to begin to find my way back to feeling good about myself and living life like I use to before this all happend.
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