i dont know what is wrong with me. i am really trying. i had the busiest day that i have had since we broke up and i still think about him and miss him. more it seems like. i have had some of the happiest days since i have been away from him. but i ache for him. i do. i dont know how to be positive about this tonite. im aching, my heart hurts and im feeling selfish. i miss him. this is the longest i have not talked with him in over a year. doesnt he miss me? arent i a missable person? i made his life so bad that hes out there throwing a parade tonite? doesnt his heart hurt? how can i even walk around like this? thinking this way about a man who said he was going to rip the heads off my stuffed animals? left me at a truck stop? abandonded me for 5-6 hours and i had no idea where he was? told me he would hit me if he were that kind of guy? what else does it take? hes taking the tattoed wedding ring off, he doesnt love me, he doesnt like me, he says his life is a jabillion times better without me there and he would have left sooner had he known that, and on and on and on. oh i am so weak. i am not the person i have presented myself to be. i am feeling sorry for myself. why do i miss this person? why? i am having a weak moment. i do belong in a mental institution. no one has huge extreme waves of emotion like this do they? its not normal.
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