I only resond in matters of the divorce. I have moved but I know I will have to see her to get paperwork done. Personally it would be hard for me to talk as it would set me back as well. I guess I would tell her not to contact you as you unless it is of matters concerning the divorce.

I agree with Rodd. The less contact the easier it will be to heal!
Sorry you are facing all of this!

i would only contact her regarding the divorce. anything else may set you back. im not sure your situation but it can lead to false hope and more letdown. trust me i have been there.

I am dealing with this issue myself, though it has only been 5 days, I was questioning if I was doing the right thing after the first couple of days and then I realized that I feel better when I don't talk to him. Why shouldn't you protect yourself? I knew that if I kept going on the path that I was headed I would be in the midst of a nervous breakdown, so I decided enough is enough. I didn't want to hear how good he sounded and how much he had moved on, or that I was always going to be around for him. The best decision I have made thus far is stopping the contact. I think that you will find that as you go on, it will seem even more right. You are already into it longer than me so you are doing great. Don't second guess this issue, you really are doing the right thing.

There's a difference between being selfish and protecting yourself. If you ignore her don't feel guilty - it might sound awful, but remember what she did to you and DON'T feel guilty. Time to go get a big inore button. My stbx can't talk to me, so he sends messages through others claimin love and reconciliation. Well, if that is love then who needs a kick in the head? Not me - I am not going to subject myself anymore. I saw him yesterday and cried it hurt so bad, but never again.

webby - you need to take care of yourself and it has nothing to do with selfishness! I had the same problem. It was better for me for her not to contact me. It was just a reminder of everything I had lost. Its much easier to deal with when there is no contact.

Thanks guys, it does feel better to not have to communicate with her, I guess I just needed somebody else to reassure me I wasn't being petty or doing the wrong thing or something.

The only way I got any peace of mind was to cut him off and let my lawyer do my talking. I still refuse to talk about anything but the kids. It works for me.

All agreed. I think of course be respectful, but you both need to heal and being there to help her heal will not allow you to heal and will only lead to devastation.

She left. Be selfish and protect yourself. Tell her to stop contacting you unless it is an absolute necessity about the divorce. This is what I did, and it is vastly less painful and confusing.

send back a one word reply. yes.
or ok.
or sorry you've been busy, etc.
or, don't reply at all.
I did the same as you my friend. I tried to stay cordial amidst the most evil divorce I've ever witnessed and survived.

I have tried to keep my discusions "profesional" and only about "business" of the divorce or the kids, doing my best to be civil and even keeled.

I know how you feel for sure. I still find it hard to talk to my stbx. But I think you gotta put yourself first here. You need to cope in whatever fashion you need to.

If SHE instigated all this, she has to accept the fact you need to heal and do whatever you need to do to cope with the situation. The best thing she can do for you is to give you your space and keep whatever contact there is between the two of you on some kind of consistent, predictable pace. So in short, put yourself first, don't respond if that is what you need to do to heal better.

You can't be concered with her anymore.

Since August I have only talked to the stbx once, and this was after I told stbx that I did not want to talk to her any more. I am still finding out about all the lies and every time I did talk to her it was only lies and bull shit so what was the point.

I say don't respond unless you have too. You don't owe her anything. My husband sends me text messages and I blow them off unless it's a specific question about bills or some of his crap he needs. We have not spoken in almost a month and I don't want to start now. Do what makes you hurt less, you have a right to be selfish.