Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
i think i am starting to get it- after talking it out- maybe i got it before and just didnt see the importance of it. because when you live it every day it becomes like air- and when you step back from it you see it for what it is.
my exhusband was never home. and he could have been. he promised me when we got married he would work with a trucking company that got him home more. he promised. he offered. he wanted to be here. it never came to pass. he was to get 3 weekends home a month with the company he started with- that NEVER happened- not once. he said it had to do with freight, etc. and i was so sad. i was so sad. he always said he would do whatever it took to make me happy- because i was so sad that he wasnt there- and i told him - listed companies he could work for that would have him driving during the week and home on the weekends- every weekend- like my friends father is. he didnt like that idea. he wanted to drive long distances.
there is something wrong with me. because i did try everything. i tried to be prettier, lose weight, etc. and i just think he was repulsed by me. by how i looked. because if i was all that he says i was, he would have wanted to be at home with me more. not all the time, but more than 15 to 20% of the time. i get it now. i get why he had to have the emotional affair. i was too much. i was too overwhelming. he could spend time with her, but not with me. i guess he thought she was prettier than me, thinner than me, everything that i wasnt. and maybe thats why it bothers me so much. that not only was i not worth it to him to come home and see- but that i wasnt worth it to me to leave. i still wouldnt have left. i still would be coping with it. i dont know how to break it down any further. if i looked different it would have been better. if i had lost more weight, been prettier then he would have wanted more time with me. and thats whats at the core of me. because i just dont ever think i am going to be enough for someone. no one is ever going to want to spend that much time with me. because i cant change my face. and i can change my weight but beyond the therapy and self esteem self help books ive done over the years it doesnt matter how small or big i get- i dont know how to love me. i dont think that i am worth that much love. thats why if he hadnt have left- hadnt have cheated on me- hadnt solidified that i needed to be more than i could (image wise) so i could be pretty enough for him to even introduce to his new friends- i would still be in it. its a lot simplier than i realized. no one can tell me otherwise.
if i was a better me than i am, a prettier me than i am, a less emotional me than i am, then he would have stayed. simple. now i just need to compartmentalize it away. i just dont think anyone is ever going to deal with all this again. 15 to 20% of the man i was deeply in love withs time is all that i deserved. its what i got. that is my value. the facts are there- its been proven. i just need to figure out how it is going to fit into my life.
xoxo xoxo
my exhusband was never home. and he could have been. he promised me when we got married he would work with a trucking company that got him home more. he promised. he offered. he wanted to be here. it never came to pass. he was to get 3 weekends home a month with the company he started with- that NEVER happened- not once. he said it had to do with freight, etc. and i was so sad. i was so sad. he always said he would do whatever it took to make me happy- because i was so sad that he wasnt there- and i told him - listed companies he could work for that would have him driving during the week and home on the weekends- every weekend- like my friends father is. he didnt like that idea. he wanted to drive long distances.
there is something wrong with me. because i did try everything. i tried to be prettier, lose weight, etc. and i just think he was repulsed by me. by how i looked. because if i was all that he says i was, he would have wanted to be at home with me more. not all the time, but more than 15 to 20% of the time. i get it now. i get why he had to have the emotional affair. i was too much. i was too overwhelming. he could spend time with her, but not with me. i guess he thought she was prettier than me, thinner than me, everything that i wasnt. and maybe thats why it bothers me so much. that not only was i not worth it to him to come home and see- but that i wasnt worth it to me to leave. i still wouldnt have left. i still would be coping with it. i dont know how to break it down any further. if i looked different it would have been better. if i had lost more weight, been prettier then he would have wanted more time with me. and thats whats at the core of me. because i just dont ever think i am going to be enough for someone. no one is ever going to want to spend that much time with me. because i cant change my face. and i can change my weight but beyond the therapy and self esteem self help books ive done over the years it doesnt matter how small or big i get- i dont know how to love me. i dont think that i am worth that much love. thats why if he hadnt have left- hadnt have cheated on me- hadnt solidified that i needed to be more than i could (image wise) so i could be pretty enough for him to even introduce to his new friends- i would still be in it. its a lot simplier than i realized. no one can tell me otherwise.
if i was a better me than i am, a prettier me than i am, a less emotional me than i am, then he would have stayed. simple. now i just need to compartmentalize it away. i just dont think anyone is ever going to deal with all this again. 15 to 20% of the man i was deeply in love withs time is all that i deserved. its what i got. that is my value. the facts are there- its been proven. i just need to figure out how it is going to fit into my life.
xoxo xoxo
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Hi guys, this is my first post as part of the tribe.I would love some honest feedback from anyone.I have been with my partner for nearly 2 years, she is Italian and I am English. We now live together but I am having massive doubts. We immediately became very close after both being in previously hurtful relationships and breakups, but although we clearly didn’t want to be alone, we have never...
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it has been almost 9 years since the crash. Narcotics are working, but I know there will come a time when they won’t work anymore and it will happen soon. I feel like I am losing my grip on life. I keep myself very busy with FT work, school, hobbies but it is becoming harder and harder to keep up. Every day I keep thinking about dying. It’s not that I want to, it’s just the suffering is so...
Please please please do some of what we talked about on the chat earlier. It will help you a lot.
Also, please look yourself in the eyes every night and say ''I am worth loving myself. I will learn to love myself. I am worthy.'' Keep saying it and it WILL become a part of your being.
You are such a wonderful person. Beauty is not external; it emanates from the internal. I know people who are not incrediblt physically beautiful people, but they are absolutely handsome and gorgeous because their souls are so beautiful.
I wish all the best and so much more for you.
Maybe he's a person who can't commit. Maybe once he got what he wanted he lost interest. Who knows. His actions are not a reflection of you. Men cheat on beautiful, slender women all the time - and sometimes use the excuse that the woman wasn't emotional enough. Someone who cheats is gonna cheat regardless of what their partner is like. He wanted what he couldn't have. There's something wrong with him, not with you. Right now if I had to say what you're missing, it would be self-love. You need to stop tearing yourself down and start building yourself up, ASAP. You need to start delighting in your own company, find your own jokes funny, look at the mirror and think, "Damn, I'm hot". Even if you don't believe it, think it, and soon enough, it will become true to you. I'm willing to bet somewhere, deep down, you know you're awesome- just look at all the support you offer on here - a lot of us think you are, me included.
So he couldn't see what he had - his loss. Unfortunately, being with him was like giving pearls to swine (you being the pearls, not the swine). You deserve better, and now you can get better. Better to be alone than with someone who's too stupid to appreciate what he had.
Did I have the power to change that? Certainly. Did I? Not until we separated and by then, it was too late. But people will say that I shouldn't want someone who is shallow anyways. And they're right but it doesn't change the fact that she had a point.
I guess that's my long way of saying that I totally get what you're saying. And I will not discount it by telling you that you are wrong. Because I can't say it to myself. And it's ok to feel this way if you do. I'm with you all the way.
With the first I also thought what was wrong with me? What did she have that I did not have?
With the 2nd I realised I was not the problem. We had problems in the marriage. I was trying to communicate and work on them. He wasn't.
Yes I have issues and I am working through them; getting stronger. Maybe my ex and I just could not work together. There is a lot I am coming to terms. I cannot and will not accept that I was not "good enough" for him.
If someone treats you like crap and doesnt keep their promises, it's not about you not being good enough! It's totally about them.
I know what you and pilgrim are saying...I once thought that too. But it's not doing you any good to feed yourself these negative beliefs. If you get rid of this believe system, you will feel better, I promise.
I don't know what turned me around...I did a lot of affirmations like KarenHopful suggests. I began to believe in myself and not need any ex to feel like I was loved.
I know I'm not on here a whole lot, but from what I have seen in you, you're a level headed person with great things to offer. I hate to see you being consumed with negative self thought.
I m reading a book called "Never Good Enough" by Monica Basco. You might find it interesting and helpful. I wish there was more I could do to convince you.
Please realize that it had nothing to do with you. Some men see their job as the most important part of their life, because somehow having a great job makes the rest of it happen.
If it wasn't you, it would have been someone else.
You can not change how someone lives by changing yourself.
I really hope that when you move on to a new relationship you will see how this way of thinking is damaging to your inner happiness.
You are meant to be the way you are, because to someone you are PERFECT.
You ex doesn't need anything better than you.
You guys just did not fit.
When you are in this much pain it really doesn't matter, but trust me on this - you are meant to be in a happier relationship. consider yourself liberated.
Now stop dumping on yourself and embrace the fact that now you have a choice, that you have freedom and choose wisely next time, because you are worth everything!
You just have to know you are worth it to yourself, fork him and all that not pretty enough, not thin enough crap! Until you KNOW it, you will never feel like you are enough for anything or anyone, and that, is the farthest from the truth.
Everyone has it in them, it just takes YOU to see and believe it.
*bear hug*
Does he look like "Mr America?
We all have those "what if I were" questions in our minds. It all comes down to "guess what I'm not". You are the better person, you didn't chose to cheat on him, you were there for him, but he wasn't there for you, you didn't push him away, he's a grown man who was thinking only of himself.
I hope you woke up this morning knowing that what you were feeling last night was sooo wrong. No matter what you think, you're the better person, your the one who can hold you head up, you're a beautiful person with a lot of love to give the world.
I'm sending you (((hugs))), self esteem, and prayers.
Mine also promised a whole bunch of shit that he never delivered on. Eventually enough is enough.
You are strong! You will be okay!