Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

11,843 Members
100,052 Posts
0 Online
Relationships & Sexuality
/ Breakups & Divorce Support Group

I told her to end it with the OM

deleted_user
deleted_user
Oh god, I took a really big step.

I told my wife, that if she respects me. She can no longer talk to the other man. I did so with love, but it was still hard.

I asked her what her relationship with him was, and she told me she honestly didn't know.

I asked her what the ring meant, and she told me she felt a deep connection that we've been together for 13 years.

I asked her why she decided to wait to file, she said she wanted to know for sure, because a lot of things will change in her life.

She told me she hasn't finish reading the book, but will. She needs to refelct on things, and didn't want me to get false expectations. She wanted to let me know she's still leaning towards divorce.

There was a little bit of crying on her end when I took responsibility for my actions. She thanked me because she had been angry at herself for not being enough.

I'm really scared right now, I'm not sure if I jumped the gun or not. But I honestly feel, no matter how much of a dirt bag I've been, her daily interaction with the other man would forever seal shut the door for us reconciling.

I took responsibility for my actions during the last 13 years, and told her she has every right to leave if she wants. But I feel disrespected with her interaction with the OM.

I may have just pushed her out the door.I should have written a letter like I had planned. I'm starting to panic ...
deleted_user
deleted_user
Don't panic. You did the right thing by setting your expectations- which were not out of line. All you can do is take responsibility for your actions. Keep working on yourself. It sounds like you're doing a great job. Keep it up!
deleted_user
deleted_user
good for you... I told you the ring meant something !!!
Best wishes
E
deleted_user
deleted_user
You have to be you. You've shown her you are willing to take responsibility and work on your marriage. If she really wanted it to work she will come back. I fear the only thing that is holding her back is finances and guilt. Those arn't good reasons to return to a marriage. You will feel unfulfilled.
deleted_user
deleted_user
You did the right thing, you have the answers you needed. I too, asked my H to stop seeing OW while he was living under the same roof as I. I have yet to say stop talking to her. One of these days I'll find the inner strength to do so, like you did.
Take care and the panic unfortunately, is normal. You feel as though your saying how you felt will shut the door for reconciliation. If and when she figures out what she wants, it isn't because of anything you said. Believe in yourself, you're making great strides even though it makes you feel like crap inside.
As always, best of all to you and your wife.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I hate to sound like the Debbie Downer here but I wouldn't put too much stock into the ring. Mine took his on and off and my hopes went up and down. I don't think it means quite as much to them as it does to us.
Again, I don't mean to sound like such a pesamist (sp?) but I know how much it sucks to be let down when he wasn't wearing his.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I guess in a way, I can show her I have self respect. If she chooses to still divorce me in all of this, I guess I know that I was willing to do what it took to be the best father and husband I could be. God I just wish I felt like that on the inside, I feel like I'm cheating myself.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Don't second guess yourself because there's no predicting what approach would or wouldn't have worked. I think you were right to tell her to break it off with the other guy. My one piece of advice is that you take responsibilities for your action by just doing better & different than the things you regret. Don't verbally remind her of reasons to be mad or to leave or justify a decision to leave. Just do the right things from now on.
deleted_user
deleted_user
You so did the right thing. A marriage is a relationship between two people. There's no room for the OM. Balls to the wall...you did a good thing. Know you've made her accountable!
deleted_user
deleted_user
your trying to change yourself, and the fact that you spoke to her with love and not anger and hostility, shows that your trying really hard. now, you set your boundry. you have to be ready for whatever consequence comes out of it. also, now you have to back off and let her think. hang in there, your doing things for all the right reasons, even if it ends up opposite of what you want to happen. give yourself a pat on the back. hang in there. the changes you make will benefit your life greatly.
Posts You May Be Interested In
  • irishwriter

    come unwind in the bp lounge

    Posted by: irishwriter
    Last Reply: kisses2016
    7992
    theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
  • Rizen

    Walk a Day

    Posted by: Rizen
    Last Reply: mujicaptsd
    2559
    I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...