I was here so desperate to get my husband back a few weeks back. We were together for 15 years, and he was my first love. I've never faced this before. But he just said he has fallen out of love with me, and left that same day. It came out of no where for me, and I truly believed marriage was forever, otherwise why do it. I begged, I got angry, sad, lonely. But it didn't matter what I did, he was not coming back. He was always good to me, and I loved him with all my heart. But he want's me no more. I found out he is already dating, then the other day he called me his ex wife. I think when I heard that, something just clicked. I'm begging for someone who dosn't want me. Years ago I would never have done that. He's gone and I have to accept it. I don't think I'd take him back now anyway, even if I really wanted to. I've chosen to look after me. I don't want to jump into a relationship, that's just not me. But I'm not going to sit around and mope all day anymore. I deserve to have fun, and be happy. I did nothing wrong. I'm going to start to go out with friends and find new hobbies. I love spending time with my son and he comes first. I have to be happy, even if it's only for him now. I have plans for the future for the first time, and it dosn't look that bad. Why would I want someone who dosn't want me. I have a lot to offer, and I think it will be him that will miss out in the end. I look to the future, where I think he is looking for instant gratification right now. That's his problem. For the first time I can see a good life for myself. I am going to work on myself, not on anyone else, and become the best person I can be. I will take the higher ground, and respect myself for it. I'll call him my ex husband too. If he can get on with his life so quick, then I don't want him. That's what I tell myself today anyway. Tomorrow is a different day, but I already have plans with a friend. If I have to I'll take it hour by hour. But I will get there. There are people alot worse off than me, and I know many couples who stay together because they feel they have to, and are not happy. So maybe this was for the best. He blindsided me, so he is not the man I thought he was. Right now my son is my first priority, he has seen mum cry enough. Now it's time to move on. Even though I really hope one day he regrets leaving, that's the nasty side of me. But how long will it take for him to get sick of his next love. Maybe he'll be happy, but that's not for me to think about. I have to make myself happy, and I've chosen to work on this a little more each day. It's funny how you become so reliant on someone. I lost myself for a little while too. It's time to find myself again. I have chosen not to mope around anymore. I know hard times are ahead, but I can do anything. I've survived so far, and I know I'll not only survive in the future, but thrive. That is my aim. Tomorrow is another day, but I'm not thinking of that yet. Today I enjoyed myself and am determined to enjoy myself tomorrow again. This is long isn't it. Sorry. But it just goes to show what even a few weeks can do. I'm a strong independant woman, and I will try my best to act that way always. I will not settle for anything less than I expect, it dosn't matter how long it takes. Each little tiny step is a step forward....This wont kill me..
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