Ok, well we never got married. Lived together, bought a place together was engaged for 6 years. Narcissist yes. The world totally revolved around him. The lies were, damaging to say the least. I'm still uncovering them. As for head trips, good grief they are good at them aren't they? How do they manage to turn EVERYTHING around to be about them?

As for finding your center..heck I'm still trying to figure out which is up and which is down.

Yes I am a member of your club. I did decide I wasted too much time on him already and do my very best not to even let a thought of him creep in myhead now if I can help it.

What is a Narcissist?

Someone who can't think outside themselves and makes everyone live and revolve around them, but has no care or concern for others. They have deluusions of granduer blah blah ..like that

Oh I left out something important...EVERYTHING & I mean everything is all for and about their EGO

I was married to one too

I did the only thing I could do. " Get Out"

Oh yes. I understand. Problem was when I had to leave, I spent too much time feeling devastated and wondering how could anyone being so cruel, so UNcarin. Then a friend who is a nurse told me I was describing narcis

I am and it is soon to be over.

I'll let you in on a secret. Once you do some reading about NPD you should be able to figure out how to control him. All you need to do is feed his narcissism. He will automatically think better of you because you become a narcissitic supply for him. The reason he is putting you off right now is because you starting calling him out on his lies.

Narcissists live in their own reality. They don't actually show you their true self because it is so deeply buried inside they don't know how. They are unlikely to be helped by treatment.

Do what I do. I just feel sorry for my wife. She'll never be happy.

I agree 100 percent Brian

Hi Alexandria57-
I initiated this same topic about 10 days ago - here is the thread if you want to read more about experiences from folks in this community.

http://dailystrength.org/component/option,com_joomlaboard/Itemid,53/func,view/id,386537/catid,720

I saw my soon to be ex yesterday and today I'm literally flat on my back.

I don't know how this can happen but I start becoming angry at myself how I let someone control and emotionally abuse me for so long. I've a level of depression where I'm actually thinking what is the use -- I just don't have the energy to fight it anymore.

I know it is not that what I want to do. I have three wonderful daughters and 2 beautiful grandsons and 2 more on the way, but I'm feeling so low that today I'm still in my pj's and can't seem to shake the bad feelings.

I want to get past this feeling and normal again, but right now I feel I'm in a hole trying to dig myself out of it. I hope this too shall pass. I'm not so sure right now.

Lyin's post is erry. I did not realize that I am not the only one who let someone do that to them. As far as Brian's Reply, I had to stop feeding her, she was killing me. I wanted to die because I was raised to Make the thing work like mommy and daddy did. And like Alexandria, I too am pissed at myself for alowing it to happen. Umbelieavable

Thanks everyone for your replies and thanks gottagetheruit for the former thread. It was helpful.

So now my question is how does one avoid attracting these awful people in your life. I never want to see someone like my stbx in my life again. I am far from wanting to be with the opposite sex but one day I will.

Those of you who have experience with these pariahs -- have you avoided them? Nothing is their fault. They never apologize. Everything is somehow someone's else's fault. They are boring, selfish, have absolutely no compassion or empathy and are just plain awful human beings.

By the way he was an only child and I was the oldest of 8 children.

I'm trying to be proactive about it. My wife and I have a daughter so it's an ongoing relationship after the divorce.

I'm seeing a counselor for the main purpose of learning how to cope with the terror my wife brings to me when she goes into one of her brow-beating sessions. It can put me down for a day or so too.

Strange as it may seem, I'm trying to figure out when it's ok to hangup the telephone or not let her in. It feels like either I'm being unreasonable (according to my wife) or guilty of something. A counselor can maybe help me to reach a comfortable spot in there. I'm not quite there yet.