The best thing you could do would be to stop calling him, stop buying him presents.

You say you "just want to be friends", and you probably mean it...but it's a double-edge sword; it's a challenge and it's also a huge kick to the gut.

Please do the humane thing and just let him be alone.

My husband (who wants this divorce) wants to "be friends". I don't know what that means. I trust my friends not to hurt me. So how can we be friends. What is it that you want from this person?

I think it would be kinder to just let him go.

you might be able to be his friend to ease your guilt. but i bet he is heartbroken and just trying to breath so it does not hurt. be kind, let him move on, so someday when he is over this, he can meet someone who will love him as he deserves. your hurting more this way.

Oh my goodness, I thought I was doing a good thing,but I guess I am not at all am I ?
I should just shut the door and act as if we did not have 4 years of our lives together? how do you do that?
E

being friends for some people isn't possible! You have to respect his wishes since you are the one who broke up. Leave him alone so he can heal and get on with his life!

you allready shut one door, whats so hard about shutting another?

I wouldn't say "wrong", but yes, I think you are maybe giving him mixed signals. I think you might could say something like, "We don't know what the future holds, and I know I can't be with you romantically at this point in our lives. Since you can't just be friends, I think maybe we should go our seperate ways and see if our journeys bring us back together later in life." And let me tell you, that is so possible. If you two do not communicate, then you see you can't live without him, then you may get back in touch with each other at a different time. But it sounds like you're maybe subconsciously giving him false hope. You see it as hurting his feelings. But are you hurting him more by accidently leading him on? Best of luck!

Hey E. I'm on the receiving end of your situation. yes, it is possible for couples to be friends after. But right now it may not be the right time. It is difficult for me at this stage to be my stbx wife's best friend. I need to be able to grow, to let go, to build a life without her. And it would make it 100 times more difficult if she called me all the time to make sure I was ok. Let him know you want him to be ok, and that you understand if he can't be friends right now. You can't have it both ways at this stage. You may in the future. But not now.

yeah, we said 'be friends' too, but I think that was a relative term meaning we won't kill each other or wish harm.

was more like acting friendly when we HAVE to interact. otherwise I'm quit happy she leaves me alone, and I Leave her alone.

I would guess he's probably wondering how you could shut the door on 4 years of life with him. Don't lead him on.

As a person on the other end with a husband sending me mixed messages, I say STOP unless you want to get together, it is not nice, it is hurtful for the other person. You may think that you are doing a good thing, but you are not, do the right thing and just leave him alone, it is hard enough without the other person sending gifts and such. Unfortunately you are doing it for you, not for him.

Thats not true, I am doing it for him, I want him to have some presents for Christmas. I am trying to be kind... I thought it too harsh to just have nothing to do or leave him alone as you put it....I guess I really don't know what I am doing....I am sorry I don't want to hurt him anymore, I really don't.

If you really think he will have nothing for Christmas, you could give him the gift but with a note that says, I still care about you as a person, but I know I will never want to resume our relationship. Something like that. Although, that may be worse than nothing.

Let him go. You need to move on and so does he.