Breakups & Divorce Support Group

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I need your strength DS

deleted_user
deleted_user
I need your strength today. My husband has moved some of the furniture out of the home today to his new condo. I went to the movies so I didn't have to be here to witness it. When I came home I felt an overwelming sense of sorrow. My husband and I have had some amaziong SOBER heart to hearts over the last 2 days. Our daughter wrote him a letter that he read and was the eye opener he needed to realize the pain he is causing everyone around him. He has admitted to having a problem with alcohol and is going to seek the help that he needs. He let me know that he will be home as this is where his heart and sole are, but he needs to be healthier as a husband and father before he comes home. He let his mother, children, myself and my cousin know this as well. I know it was the complete honest truth as he would NEVER lie to his mother about seeking help and then coming back to his family. He has always been very blunt and honest with her even if he knew he was hurting her. He has also been talking to a bar "skank" for the past few weeks. He has made a promise to me, his children and most importantly himself that he is going to call her and cut the friendship. As she is an alcoholic and has been showing quite a bit of psycho tendicies. I need to know how I can make it through this transition and give me the patience to have him get the help he needs without me completly losing myself at the same time. We have literally spent 4 night away form each other in the past 13 years. I am going to share the letter with everyone on here at DS for 1 main reason. If you are an alcoholic and have children I want people to see and realize the pain they cause the people around them.

Dad,

I don't like how you have been going to the bar a lot. I also don't like how much beer you drink because you are slowly killing yourself. I don't want that to happen at all. Like last night you went to the bar and you were all dressed up. So I was thinking that girl most likely will be there and you don't normally dress up. So I thought you and Michelle were going on a date. You are sneaking around with her. Its like you are cheating on mom, but also on us, (me and Raven) I feel like you love her more than me. Also that you would rather be with her than your own child. So I am really confused right now. The questions that are going through my head is what did we do to upset you? What did we do wrong? Do we deserve this? Does he even care about me? Why is dad doing this to us? Are we that bad? Those are the things I think about.

Destiny

Notice there was no "love" Destiny!
deleted_user
deleted_user
The answer to the ? I know you are going to ask is YES I am getting my daughter the therapy she needs as well.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Not sure how old Destiny is, but it is a very good letter. It is the kids who get hurt the most.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Destiny is 13 years old.
keepthehope
keepthehope
It is always tough to see the impact one individual can have on so many lives. It makes it harder to see the impact it has on kids. I wish you continued strength during this difficult time. Focus on keeping things going with you and your daughter.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Bless your daughter and your whole family. So much pain. It breaks my heart. I hope it break's your x's heart too. I will pray he finds the strength to do what is right. You are so strong for not caving in when you hear the very thing everybody wants to hear. Stand your ground. You deserve a husband who is mentally well and fully committed. Don't accept him back unless that is what he is offering you!!! I'm so pleased you at leas have the chance. Hug your baby she's really doing some adult things in that letter. She needs to know she deserves better too.
deleted_user
deleted_user
You're right, it's like the ripple in a pond when you throw the rock in. He can only help himself in this case. And you can only support your daughter. I wish you luck and love in your family~~~
deleted_user
deleted_user
Your daughter sounds very mature -a well written letter. I hope your husband gets the help he needs...right now you need to focus on yourself.
LarryLDN
LarryLDN
Destiny needs her mom and will have to some day forgive his dad for doing in 2007 what he knew how to do in his life til that point. Ego and emotion tries using guilt to try to manipulate, and at 13 that's a good attempt, but adults don't act that way in this world. Would you really want Dad to just give up his life and acquiesce to wishes that just can't be ?
deleted_user
deleted_user
I truly believe he will get the hekp he needs, I ma not dumb though he may nees to hit rock bottom 1st, but when he does I will be there if asked to help him get into a treatment center. I told him I will take on 2 full time jobs to finanically make it if he enters into a 90 day program.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Larry,
What is he giving up? He is losing his family and his life. EVerytime you drink to the extent he does he is slowly killing himself. And our daughter was not manipulating him she was sharing feelings that she had bottled up for the past 6 weeks.
deleted_user
deleted_user
The hardest part of being in the situation you are in is the lack of predictability. You will be waiting, everyday, for him to do what he needs to do. Waiting is really hard, and sometimes makes me do stupid things that I promised myself I wouldnt do (i.e. calling him or pushing him to give me signs that things are getting better).

I applaud you for your willingness to be there for him, good or bad, and I am here when you need support.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I will not be calling him for updates on his progress as it is up to him to make the step as this is part of recovery
deleted_user
deleted_user
Tammi, if that didn't touch him and make him want to straighten this out nothing will. It brought tears to my eyes. I have been a child of a cheating father and I know how it feels. It causes so much anger and unhealthy relationships. I applaud her for speaking her mind, which is something I have stil yet to muster the courage to do, even as an adult.

Bravo Destiny.
((Hugs)) Tammi
LarryLDN
LarryLDN
Sharing feelings is great, well written, I just don't see him changing overnight, if at all.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Tammi, I am sure he means what he says. Now. Alcohol is cunning, baffling and powerful. So are bar skanks. You can only go to Al-Anon and work on you. Do the next right thing and, as they say there, get off the results committee. You do not know what the results will be, so don't count on them. Rehab centers can exist only for one reason: that AA is there to dump the people into afterwards. Rehab means little: see Hollywood.

I suspect he is sowing some wild oats. Do not wait for him or focus on him; focus on moving forward with your kids. If he is willing, he will catch up.

May God bless and keep you and your children in these painful days.
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