Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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deleted_user 11/25/2007

Hi,

I'm new to this community. Here's the story. I was dating a guy from school (college) and we split up. He was moving too fast and he was slightly controlling however that's not the reason I told him (for obvious reasons). We still see each other three times a week in school which makes the break up hard. He emailed thanksgiving evening (he had been drinking) and basically told me he stills likes me and so on. Well...the rational thing to do would've been to ward him off, but I didn't! I told him that I missed him and all that stuff. Now he is asking to get back together! I know he is bad for me, but when I'm around him it's as if all the bad stuff falls away.

I know that I need to stop leading him on (it was completely unintentional). How do I distance myself? It's not like it usually goes when you break up and you don't see each other anymore. So in this situation how do you keep your emotions in check in order to keep it together? Words of encouragement anyone?

deleted_user 11/25/2007

I must be missing something, but I don't understand if you want to break up with him or not and honestly, I don't think you understand, either. I think if you had your mind made up completely you would be able to set a firmer boundary with him. You know he is bad for you so don't let lust or loneliness get the better of you. You will regret it. I hope all the best for you.

verbra 11/25/2007

If this guy is bad for you then let him go. you don't want to put more years in it makes it even more difficult. remember the longer the relationship the harder the breakup

deleted_user 11/25/2007

Hmmmm well the first thing you have to do is ask yourself if you really want to be with him. Because what you wrote its hard to understand what you want to do. If you don't want to be with him anymore you need to tell him. It's not fair to him or you. Sometimes you just need to tell the truth. And if you still want to be with him then try to work it out. But honestly if your really not feeling it and you don't see you 2 together then end it. If he has any kind of hope you need to shut him down. It will seem like your a bitch, but you need to do what you need to do for the both of you. I don't know if that makes any sense but good luck.

deleted_user 11/25/2007

How to distance yourself? Stay clear of him. Don't communicate with him period.

Don't let him force his way back with you. Don't let his emails and cutesy cutesy act lure you in. If you don't want to be his girlfriend any more, tell him to leave you alone. He isn't violent or anything, is he?

deleted_user 11/25/2007

Thanks for the fast replies guys! Jlk and Johnny you both are right. I don't know if I want to be with him or not. Well, that's not true, I know I don't want to be with him, but my feelings for him are still strong. It's just there are so many red flags screaming at me to get out of the relationship while I still can. I need to set a firmer boundary.

Verbra you're right, the longer it is the harder it is. And Christye I think I am letting his cutesy cutesy stuff get to me. By the way he is not violent in anyway so no worries there.

I just have to be strong and tell him stay away.

deleted_user 11/25/2007

Please be strong, you do not want to marry a person that you believe is bad for you, then it is even harder to get out. Find a positive distraction to fill your time, spend time with your parents who are getting older. Join a club. If it is time you need to occupy then find something to do. If it is a boyfriend or spouce your looking for then look for, but not in him. Just image how divource people cope when they have children together and they have to see eachother. You do not want to be in that situation with this guy. Just be cold to him, keep your answers short, yes, no, good. Thank goodness you see the red flags NOW, I never saw mine I was blind.

deleted_user 11/25/2007

i think you know the answer already and as hard as it is you have to distance yourself, i know this will be difficult because you see him during the week. you say yourself the relationship is bad for you and you see the red flags, do yourself a favor, end it now. so many of us continue in these situations and it causes a lot more pain later down the road for all involved. i know it's hard, but you can do this for the both of you.

deleted_user 11/25/2007

Im still trying to figure out why we women WANT Good Guys, but are always drawn to the Bad Boys like moths to a flame?

deleted_user 11/25/2007

courier if you ever figure it out let me know!!!!

deleted_user 11/25/2007

the semester is almost over...maybe you should tell him you want a break over the break to think about what you want to do next with YOUR life?

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