Lyn, What he says about you, do NOT take it personal. It has nothing to do with you. Clearly he doesn't want to be with you because of the feelings he thinks he has with the other lady. Time will tell. But don't beat yourself up. The best thing you can do is act (and you may have to perform) like you could care less. That will get to him if anything does. Right now he is probably thinking if it don't work out with her, he knows you want another chance. Move on, and trust me that is NOT easy. I am having no luck with it. Of course, mine would come and there is no affair to blame for our split. Good luck hun and it is his loss, you are a sweetheart, I can see it in your smile.

Lyn, I know I posted a hundred times on this topic when I was going through the very thing of dealing with adultery and infidelity and how I viewed it as well as how society does.
Buck up and deal with it. Everyone cheats.
JUST KIDDING, listen honey, there are more ways that things can be construed and rewritten history is EXACTLY what cheaters do. The reason your H might feel anxous is because he cheated, and you chose not to initially put up with it, but still willing to give it another go around. However, being true to yourself and knowing that all his perceptions of you are not true. You can't take a pill and magically all that you felt for 30 years is going to go away overnight. First thing you need is empowerment. Over your feelings. Over your own existence as well as for the benefit of your children. As dear as a person you are, there aer countless others that will line up to take his place. But, you first need to deal with issue at hand. It is best to feel sorry for him and figure a way to realize that yes, you have a significant amount of history here, but isn't a reason to stay together. I know you've read probably more self help books than me, but the best one was that Letting Go one. It is in recommendations. And it hit me. Hasn't been easy, but I am done with this now, and realize the person whom I so unluckily was married to, didn't do a damned thing to me. She did it to HERSELF. She cheated herself on a great partner and lover. Your H will flail in life for the rest of it, while you'll just enjoy yours once you put him out of the picture. I know dear, easier said than done. Just like quitting drinking or smoking. You need to quit him. One day at a time cold turkey. AND the help of your DS buds. Not sure I helped but had to say something

Yup- they need to justify their feelings so they can get up everyday and blame us for THEIR short commings. I can't tell you how much I've heard "This is all YOUR fault" whatever- I'm not the one that crossed the line and made a choice to let my heart get carried away in an emotional affiar with a co-worker- I guess I just didn't have enough food for his ego- As I said earlier- some men have a heart and brain in their penis and there is no changing that kind of man. One day the OW will be the OW- let her have his sorry ass- count your blessings, you deserve far better!

I think he feels guilty, and that's what is making him "sick". He needs to grow up. I know 20 year olds who act more mature than your STBX.

Yes, it's is own guilt making him sick. Do not listen to a word he is saying to you. His guilt is taking.
But I am sorry that when you asked if you both could give it another try, you were turned down. That happen to me just last week. And it just hurts.
You stay strong Lyn and remember, his gulit is doing all the talking. You are WONDERFUL!

oh yes, you cause him the anxiety. what a crock, how about his guilty conscience, oh no, wait, i forgot it's your fault. and of course you don't know the other woman, how could you know that she was a sleazy cheating ho. yes she does know him better, she knows he is a dirty rotten cheater. they seem to know each other quite well. i don't need to tell you how well your doing, and how much your growing into a healthier happier you. stick with it, and tell him where to stick it, although he's a pig so he already knows where. if he is so anxious around you and is going to have a heart attack then what was the other nights post about, your felt kinda of bad thinking about him not coming to the house to see the kids. now you don't have to worry about it, cause you certainly don't want him to have a heart attack. his words, coming back to bite him in the ass. stay strong my friend.

Excuses, excuses...they need to take responisbility for their own actions!

Lyn, Lyn, Lyn.. my sista Lyn.. I truly do not understand that Freaktoid of a Husband of yours.

You should apply for a research grant to study this sub-human species.

I wish I could of been there to slap him hard on the back of the head... two wacks!

So.. did you make him so sick that you drove him to have the affair?..

you got to write all of this down... this would make a good article or a book.. this man is totally dilussional to what he has done.. total denial that he and the OW did anything wrong.

WACK!..WACK!... you give me the word... I will call him long distance and give him a Verbal Lashing!

((HUGS))

...I said it before...but it is really great to see you back CanadianRose ( aka Canadian Bacon )

Thank you guys for all the wonderful advice and comments. I just got back from my counselor and he calls the comments he makes "hitting with a club" when they need to hurt with works because they have nothing to stand on. To make me the bad guy and justify his choice. My stbx went and saw the same counselor on Friday, so he knows my stbx, it is great to have his suppport. He doesn't say what I want to hear, he knows that my husband is being wacko.