I feel i'm such an idiot sometimes, that i can't even make up my mind on what i want in this life. I guess it's a side effect of depression, or part of the guilt feeling since i feel down hill of this relationship with my husband is mostly 75% my fault. I'm the one calling it quits, and i'm the one who doesn't want to try anymore. I'm also a chicken shit when it comes to making the big decision and he probably knows that, i told him a few days ago that i would start looking for an apartment so that i could move out with my our two girls, and so he probably thought i wouldn't do it , well the opportunity is here, and i'm so freaking scared to take that step. what the hell is wrong with me, i think about it, i can certainly manage to make it on my own, it wont be easy but i can, i'm just afraid to cause him more pain that what i have already caused him. why do i feel this way? but then again i'm not happy in this marriage. we are like roommates living together. what the hell is wrong with me, he tells me i'm crazy, that people put ideas in my head, i'm starting to believe it.
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