hey bro, we're all going through something similar on this thing. we'll be here for you if you ever need someone to listen too you. everyone is very nice and very helpfull. i was a broken man when i came here and im way better now. just let it all out and you'll see how much better you'll feel. wish you the best mate.

Ryan we are all here for you. It's hard for us to say "welcome" because it's not a party. We are all going through the same thing are at various stages of our pain and healing. There are some GREAT people here and we help each other and are a close group. We're kind of like family here. We love each other, we support one another and sometimes we argue. Allow me to introduce myself; I'm Jacjac feel free to call me jac. I'm in everyones business around here. We'll we all are.

I'm sorry you and your family are going through this. Know that it's not too late to save it. I also want to say thatnk you for being honest about your temper. Is there more to it than being intimidating?

I think it is important you go back and read what you have written. Seems to me you have the answer as to what you need to work on, then you can work on getting your wife back.

Until you deal with your anger issues, you will remain alone and miserable. Have you considered getting help, signing up for an anger management class or counseling? Perhaps there is no better time than now. It is also important you learn to love yourself. It is not fair to depend on someone else for your emotional stability. Only you can make changes there. Once you have done that and dealt with your anger issues, the rest will fall into place.

Good luck! You will find a ton of support here that may come in the form or tough love as well as great suggestions. You will gain differant perspectives which might just provide the key you are missing.

Thank you for sharing, it is very helpful for me to get a man's perspective. I hope you get the strength you need, it may be time to rely on something unfamiliar and it may feel strange. You are in the right place. You sound very sweet and I am sure this must be hard for her, too. I hope you all find some healing.

Welcome.No matter what comes you are welcome here.We indeed are like a family here.

I've read your story Ryan, and I think you've gotten real honest with yourself, so that's the best possible start.

I also do not think it was controlling to be concerned about your wife's internet habit.

It's going to be very hard for you, because you have been together since you were so young. Just keep doing the next right thing.

I know that it may not feel like God is there right now because what we want to happen is not happening...but think about the verse that say "I knew you in your mother's womb. The plans I have for you are not to harm you, but for good." Our idea of good may not be God's idea, but he knows so much more than we do and I would rather rely on his strength than my own. All that said, I have been feeling the same way you are. Having faith doesn't mean we don't question why bad things are happening to us. Having faith is knowing that even if we can't see or hear or feel God, he is still there. He promises that nothing can take us away from him. That is what I am holding onto each and every day. I hope you will feel better and know that people will be thinking about you!

Hi, Ryan - so sorry to hear you are feeling so poorly! Haven't heard from you in AGES, had truly hoped things were going OK. We are still here for you, all these months later, even me, LOL! Keep coming back here, get thru this hard time, lean on us.

Ryan,

I agree with the others here.
Having a hard look inward is a positive step.
You may findd yourself like so many others have here, using most your resources on emotions.
I read somewhere that we end up using about 70% of our energy trying to deal with the emotional aspect of things. Leaving us 30% to deal with the day to day task.
The number one thing you can to to help your situation from what I have learned is to give her space.
Number two is to keep yourself healthy.
Eating right and sleep usually get put to the wayside. So do everything you can to keep your engine running. Exercise and vitamins are a priority right now, or should be.
Sleep sometimes comes hard to find. Don't waste a minute without at least 7 hours of sleep per night. Get yourself a sleep aid if you find that you can't sleep at night.
Taking very long walks will also help you to deal with things. Sounds weird but it does.
If you confide in people about your situation...
Look for someone outside your normal circle of friends. The last thing you want is for her to constantly here about how you are doing from friends or family.
If you are going to make change, don't tell her or have other people telling her about it.
Do it for yourself and if and she is curious, she will come to you to see that for herself.
Don't Don't get on the phone and cry to her, this will drive her further away.
Do your utmost to show most people that you are ok, even if you are not. When you get home and are alone you let out all the emotional stuff.
All that I tell you I learned the hard way.
Good luck and you are in good company here.

When we go through separation it is umberable to miss the other half, whether it was healthy to us or not. Apparently, your relationship got unhelthy overtime. It takes 2 sides to get unhealthy, just as it takes 2 sides to make it work. In the beginning, I passed the apartment, and being alone was really tough. Over time, it was ok, and way better. Start in baby steps, doing things you like and makes you smile. THe samll things in life you will learn to appreciate again, but it takes time and learning to love yourself again. You did the best you knew to do, so forgive yourself for not being perfect. Overtime you will be able to figure out some of the reasons it got where it did, and you will reclaim your life and have balance back. A book that helped me was "The journey fom abandonment to healing" susan anderson
hang in there
hug
S

Ryan,

It sucks and it's tough. The best thing is that you recognize your part in the relationship. Now, that you know, there are things you can do to improve you.

You are missing skills. In fact the skills required to have a happy marriage. Recognizing your problem will help you to recognize the skills you are missing also. To get the skills you are missing, the following can help:

First, get into counseling. There are a lot of things they can do to help you. Tell your counselor exactly what you posted above.

Next, there are a couple of books you should pick up: "If only he knew, what no woman can resist" by Gary Smalley. And, "His Needs, Her Needs" by unknown. Read both of these. Then re-read the first one I recommended 2 or 3 times. It has a lot of what men need to know to make there wives happy.

Next, enroll in either an anger management or an emotional management course. And, I would suggest getting into Bhuddist meditation to help you calm down.

I don't know if any of this will help you in your current marriage. But, it will do several things. It will show your current wife you are trying to improve. If taken seriously, you will improve. And, if your marriage does fail, you will be a much better person for your next marriage/relationship. You will also feel happier, and you will notice an improvement in your daily life. (Even though it's in this low state.)

And, keep coming back here.

This post is almost a year old...

Shit, Pasta, I should start checking on that. Timely help, hah? lol

OLD THREAD FOLKS.

ha ha