My husband moved out three weeks ago. It was a really bad scene and this was so overdue. I'm so much happier now that he's gone. I've been calling lawyers and have my first appt with one on Dec 5. I really thought I'd have a lawyer first, didn't think he'd do anything until I did. And I know he thought I wouldn't do anything until I had to. Well, he called me a little while ago asking for my social security number as well as the kids' and said he needs them for a form he's filling out for "the lawyer". I hate myself for it, but I just feel sick that he got a lawyer first. I don't know why I needed so badly to be the first to file. I guess to show him that I really was serious. Now I feel like I had that taken away from me too, along with everything he's taken from me over the years. And no, this isn't just the reality hitting me, I REALLY want this marriage to be over asap. But I wanted to be the one to file and to surprise him with the sheriff showing up to serve him papers. It shouldn't matter, I know it shouldn't, I need to just be happy that things are getting underway, but I just can't let this go. Now I'm sitting here in my house while the kids are sleeping, and I just don't even know what to do, I can't concentrate, and my stomach is rolling. I hate feeling like this.