I’m new to the group and was happy to see this type of group online. I have an AH who doesn’t admit he has a problem. He comes home at random late times serveral times a month and “works” late often. In the past week he has not come home until the next morning twice. He blames me for his bad behavior and like an idiot I feel bad and let him get away with whatever he wants. I really have no boundaries anymore. We have three kids together and I’ve stayed telling myself my kids are better off with a dad than without one. His actions however are damaging I think...our boys see there dad unengaged and drunk often (all though they don’t know he’s drunk). My husband is generally loving when he is around but has a temper and tries to put his bad behaviors on me. For example, he didn’t come home one night and when he got home in the morning I asked him where he slept. I interrupted him because he was giving me a long run around of a story and asked where did you sleep. He screamed at me and told me because I didn’t want to listen to him he wouldn’t tell me anything. He won’t admit alcohol is a problem but he drinks and drives, drinks at home, and goes to bars all the time. In the past (most recently 2 years ago but probably 5 times in our marriage of 15 yrs.) he has gotten drunk and hurt me. Once he pushed me to the ground in front of our kids. He has cheated on me years ago and I took him back...I just keep hoping it will get better. But he reverts to drinking and is disconnecting more and more.
I’m now at the point where I know I have to file for separation. What I’ve been doing (which is sweeping his bad behavior under the rug and keeping a strong upper lip) hasn’t worked. I want my children to know his behavior is not acceptable. I am hoping that giving him clear boundaries and separating will help him to change and choose treatment and a sober lifestyle.
I’m brokenhearted that the holidays are so close. I also know if we separate we can’t afford our life and may have to file for bankruptcy as we have so much debt (I never say no when he wants to buy something and We had major home repairs last year and we had to take out loans to repair everything since the insurance didn’t pay us enough).
I guess I’m hoping to hear from other ladies who give their AH boundaries. I need encouragement. I’m so scared to take this step but feel like it’s my only option. I’m leaning on my faith and God for strength and guidance. I’m planning to doing the right thing...I am pretty sure. I’m just broken hearted. Thanks for reading.
I keep wondering if these are important to tell my therapist for things i want help with. Funny thing is, I want to start getting help this week (officially since last time was a meet and greet, get to know each other appointment).Stuff I want help with through therapy:Fear of spiders is worsening so i want to get rid of that.Maintain a better relationship with all of my family.Forgive my father...
I was hanging out with a group of friends pretty regularly for about two years and I think I'm triggered by the holiday being here again. Last year at this time the group had a holiday party and I was removed from the facebook guest list. It still bugs me. I had just assumed that the party was cancelled as it disappeared from my calendar of events. I was wrong. The following day every. single....