No one ever told me how hard letting go of someone could be. I mean, what exactly did I expect? It's really hard to explain how that feels. I think it may be even harder for me than a lot of others just because I was in a relationship with a woman and not a man. I guess I was confused. I loved her and still love her, but it was really hard to stay "in love" with her after everything she said and did over the time we were together (just over 10 months). She said the most horrible things to me, things you would never even think to say to someone you love, she took advantage of me to get more money in her pocket, and kept me under her control for as long as she could. I left today and have found out from my family that she has been looking for me everywhere, she's been terrorizing my family to the point where they thought they would need to call the police. She has a history of legal problems, but I guess I just wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. Well, not anymore. Why did I ever give her so many chances? Why didn't I have enough self-respect to see where it was all going? I sincerely hope she can find someone who will be perfect for her, but it is just NOT me. I used to think everything was wonderful... she could be so sweet that I thought she worshipped the ground I walked on. Guess I was wrong. Oh it's so hard... the memories, the music that reminds me of her... it's hard to go from literally being around someone almost 24 hours a day for over 10 straight months to being uprooted, living in a different place with different things and a new outlook on life...... plus I have not smoked in three weeks and will continue not to, even though this is all literally killing me inside.
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