Your story reminds me a little of my life. I am being used by my live in boyfriend. I am also going through a bad divorce. My fault though really because I am the one who cheated. Something I deeply regret doing. I now want my husband and my son back and he wont even talk to me. I guess all women suck. Too b ad we don't live closer to one another because I want a family and I know I would never cheat or lie again. It hurts way too much.

Robert, I believe that quite recently most of us told you, in another post, not to rush into another relationship. didn't we? The reason for that is you need to get over THIS marriage (your still married remember). When you're struggling with the pain of a broken marriage, wise decision making doesn't often come easy. Especially when it comes to the oppposite sex.

Why don't you go get some counseling instead of trying to make friends with women who MAY try to take advantage of your grief!

Some good advice courier. Robert, there is no way you are going to find what you are looking for anytime soon. You need to deal with your issues first.

Snowcrash, I have no horrific things to say to you. I also hold no sympathy for you. It hurts like hell doesn't it. I read your other post also, to should I breakup.

I am so sorry to hear this happened to you. Others like us that are vulnerable due to separation or divorce are often taken advantage of by others who also in need, may be other needs. You can still trust women. Don't think you can't because one con artist got to you. Learn from this and keep your head up.

Ok--let me explain why I am doing this instead of counseling....

COUNSELING DOES NOT WORK. I have been in counseling for 20 years now, and I even waited MANY years between relationships and IT DID NOT WORK. IT HAS NEVER WORKED. Oh, and in less than 10 days, I'm losing my insurance (due to another "friend" who was just using me and is dropping me from insurance coverage at the most opportune time he possibly could), so I cannot afford counseling or meds or anything else anymore. Due to the financial situation of my business, I will no longer have the money to even put food on the table after I pay the rent this month, literally....

What do I want out of life? The same fair chance that most people get. I'm sick and tired of going just about anywhere and seeing people with loving families. I'm sick of seeing people kissing in public. I'm sick of seeing people holding hands. I'm sick of going everywhere ALONE. I'm sick of going to parties and at the end of the night, being the only one who gets to leave ALONE. (yes, all of my friends are in relationships).

I realize that I'm fat, ugly, disgusting, old looking, and not acceptible. But, I think I'm a nice guy. I have a heart of gold and I'd give my life for anyone who actually was a real friend. Don't I deserve the same fair chance as everyone else gets? Instead, all that happens is I get sh!t on by everyone just because they want to take advantage of my being a nice guy. I am NOT willing to change the way I am--it is how I feel EVERYONE SHOULD TREAT OTHERS.

I used to be a nice person. I used to be trusting and loving and happy. But, the women in my life over the last 20 years or so have created what I am today. I hope they're happy.

One of these days (probably REALLY soon), I'm just going to crack. I cannot hurt others, so I will just take it out on myself. And, when I do, I just hope that somehow EVERY SINGLE WOMAN who has done this to me gets to see the results of their creation and has to live with what they did to me for the rest of their lives. Including my wonderful stbx who felt it was ok to cheat on me in order to get her dreams fulfilled with another man. (she may witness it in person, if I have a chance).

Robert,
After reading your last post to this thread I have to tell you that you need some help. First of all, feeling sorry for yourself is going to get you nowhere. Getting revenge on others by having them see you crack or whatever is not the way to go about this either.

When I was in my marriage I was unhappy and didn't even realize it. I was a bitter and angry person because of having a husband who acted like a child. Was this my ex husband's fault? NO!!! I am the one who controls myself. I had to be the one to find my happiness. When my ex left I thought my world was going to end. Once I began to love myself again it didn't matter so much anymore.

You need to find a way to love yourself. If you can not do that you will always let people treat you poorly. It is not a matter of it just being who you are. Many of us are nice, generous people but the bottom line is we love ourselves enough to not be taken advantage of.

I don't want to accept being taken advantage of, either. But, it just happens.

When I got married, I was the happiest man alive. FINALLY I was getting something that I wanted. But, behind the scenes, my wife had a boyfriend. And, now, she's pregnant with his child. She moved in with him over the weekend. How was this my fault for not loving myself? I finally got what I wanted in life and it turned out to be nothing but a huge lie. That's ALWAYS what happens to me. It's not me feeling sorry for myself--it's the truth. People around me are absolutely amazed at the crappy luck I have with things like relationships. My wife KNEW that my biggest dream (in fact, the only thing important to me other than her) was to have a family--so, what does she do? She starts a family with someone else!!!!! I can't think of anything worse that someone can do to a person. And, it happens to me. I would have been better off if she was one of these wives who kill their husbands--at least the pain would be over finally... Now, I'm going to have to do it myself instead!

Robert,

I'm very confused. ON the one hand, you say counsling doesn't work. Then you say there's no reason for you to change.

Right there is one major problem; therapy only works if you want to change. If you don't see any reason to, you're just having some very expensive heart-to-hearts with a stranger.

Then you go on to list how these women have repeatedly wronged you, and again, you see no reason to change anything on your part. If you keep doing the same things over and oer again, and you keep getting the same results over and over again...maybe something needs to change?

And then, to top it off, you keep saying thing that imply you're suicidal.

Is it possible you're not in the best mental state to honestly give yourself fully to a relationship? That's a lot of mental and emotional baggage to bring into a relationship and the other person hasn't even had a chance to get to know you yet.

I know you're lonely, that's obvious from what you've said here and in other places. But being in a relationship is not going to fix your problems. You need to be able to love yourself -first- and be happy by yourself before you have any chance at not only being happy with someone else, but also being able to just be with someone without making them the central focus on your life.

Robert, no one here is trying to hurt you but I do agree with what they are saying. I am recently divorced and found myself meeting a few people that didn't treat me great. Thankfully I found the time and strength to analyze the situation and realize that it was me who was putting myself out there to be treated that way. Now I am taking time off dating. . . not just to take time off but to work on myself and become somebody that I love and a wonderful mother. I am focusing on my career, my hobbies, my life. And I have taken the step in the past to get the help for depression. Have you tried medication before? Have you tried a different counselor? No, not everyone in the world is trustable. You need time to heal your wounds and reevaluate what you want from life for yourself. Good luck.

When are you going to take responsibility for you and your choices? Everything is always someone else's fault, never your own.

I'm sorry, but it's time you grow up and get real! I usually leave your discussions, but you some slack, but this is getting ridiculous.

You have some major soul searching to do and I would recommend you start looking at you for answers and quit blaming all woman for your own issues.

I'll have to agree with aguyanddog. Robert a lot of my own issues mimic yours in many, many ways. Self image and the cursed "nice guy" being the two biggest ones.

However. I blame nobody but myself. They didn't create the beast...I did. I'm learning to cope with the majority of those because I've taken that to heart.

Sadly when I read your threads I can feel your pain. But I.M.O. I also see somebody who wants everybody to fix his problems for him. It won't happen. Only you can do it, nobody is going to come along in your life and fix it all for you and kiss the boo boo and make everything right as rain. Time to stand up.

I agree with NMGuy and Aguy, I have struggled with my insecurites and low self esteem for many years. I would try to validate all of me in trying to please others and would never try to please myself. The it is wonderful to have the feelings of love and the world seems right but if you can not love yourself and accept your own faults and be able to work on them and grow from them you will be caught in a never ending circle. Yes when I fell in love all that seem to subside but was still there. You need to find something in yourself to be able to give the love that you can. If you keep looking for comfort without finding comfort in yourself you will continue to hurt worse each time. Unforutanately we live in world where people can use your weakness against you for their own gain. Find yourself and you will find peace first.

Personally, I just want it all to be over. I WANT to be the nice guy--that is how I was brought up to be. This morning, my wife tried to explain to me that I should NOT have done the things that I did for her because I should only care about myself. I consider that to be JUST PLAIN WRONG. My wife needed things both to protect her and to make her comfortable. I would not feel right if my wife was in pain and I didn't do something about it. Is this a bad trait? I think it must be from what everyone is telling me.

This morning, my stbx showed up to take her cat. And, we argued again. This time, she basically said that I am not welcome in her life anymore, unless her boyfriend approves and she doubts that he will because he's very protective of her. She says that's the Russian way and she allows him to treat her that way. She says he basically owns her. So, I really do have nothing.

I have 1 friend and I am going to push her away so she does not have to suffer with what happens to me. I am already pushing away what little of a family I have for the same reasons. I am tired of the emptiness and pain and I just cannot take it anymore.

Like someone said, counselors won't help unless I wanted them to. And, I don't want to change the way I am. I want people to respect me and treat me like they treat everyone else. I want the things that everyone else can have but I cannot. Being that is not going to happen, I am just going to find a way to end the pain. If that's cowardice, then I'm a coward. And, if that's selfish, then maybe this is the first time in my life that I actually WAS selfish about something. But, it's hard to call it selfish when nobody would notice anyways....

Robert, I have a few things to say here. First off, you are being VERY childish. YOU need to worry about YOU.... NOT what other people think you should be or want you to be like. You are NEED of some serious counseling. YOU HAVE TO BE HAPPY WITH YOURSELF BEFORE YOU CAN BE HAPPY WITH ANYONE ELSE!~! If you don't want to be taken advantage of & used, then DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!~! DO NOT let people take advantage of you &/or USE you. Sometimes, they say yourself is your worst enemy.... I'm sorry, but if you don't get some serious help, I'm afraid that you will become your own worst enemy. People would not "walk all over you" if YOU did NOT allow it. If you don't like people doing these things to you, then STOP letting them. It is YOUR fault, NO ONE elses. YOU need to take responsibility for YOUR OWN ACTIONS & OWN UP TO THEM!~! Being alone sucks, I know....But with the way that you are right now, I think that is the best place for you. Will give you time to try to "rediscover" WHO YOU ARE & WHO YOU WANT TO BE!~! My Prayers Are With You!~!
Best Of Luck To You!~!

You want to be the nice guy...but you can't manage to be the nice guy to yourself.