It's been almost 3 weeks since we broke up, and I haven't seen him or heard from him since last thursday when i drove to his place and spent the day with him. I have been having so much ups and downs, work is busy so that keeps sane for most of the day. At night and as the weekend approaches it becomes unbearably lonely. I am a fresh graduate this year so still living with my mum, but she doesn't seem to understand me, and we fight a lot. My ex and I had so much planned for the future, we had a place we were moving into together in January, we were moving overseas to work together in another year's time. Now all this "future" i had dreamt I had hoped for I had planned all shatter into pieces. It seems like he's ok and he doesn't care, he's made his "decision" to walk away from 3 years of something incredibly special, just like that! It's final, and I'm left to pick up the pieces.

I honestly thought i was getting better this week b/c I haven't been communicating with him, but deep down I have to urge myself not to burst out into tears. I feel so alone, like i have no one, I just want to run away from here, as far away from the pain and memories as i can, and never look back. I just can't pick up the phone and tell him I don't ever want to see him again, I know if he calls I would still talk to him. I just can't let go. I don't even know if i can ever forgive him for abandoning me, or if i can ever be his friend again, but i do love him. It's b'day this coming Wed, I miss him, miss spending time together...sigh