It is possible to get closure without the other person, in fact it may be healthier if the situation had dysfunction because for me I get pulled back into him to try to get closure of a confusing and hurtful and wrong situation. I am so sorry for what you are going through. Your attitude is good. This may not be the last you hear of him, I don't know the history. You are in the absolute right place!

He is a coward and knows that you would just try to love the anger away and he is not strong enough to fight your love! I feel sure something is missing in this post! Was there no explanation as to why he wants the divorce?

My mom has always told me the be revenge is a life well lived. So go on and be free and live

I feel your pain in a way. It's been a few months, and I still have no closure. I guess closure will come in due time. I didn't really get a good excuse for separation/divorce, so I am still pondering....

I hope you receive the closure that you desire soon.

We were living apart, but he said he loved me and we were looking at getting back together and then I only found out differently when I rang up and he had a new gf staying over. Closure it ain't.

But maybe closure is what we get when we are over them, hope so anyway....

He is a coward. You are supposed to turn the other cheek, but you are also supposed to stand up for yourself. He has shown that he is opening the door to satan - he is going to act like a child and be mean. Be as gentle as a dove, but as wise a serpent and protect yourself now. Don't keep letting him do mean things to you. That is not a glory to God.

I don't think that I'll really acheive a full closure with my STBX as long as he's under the grips of his mother's influence.

Oh yes, the old chicken s**t email, "I think we should get a divorce since we're nothing more than two ships passing in the night." After 37 years of marriage HIS way! I didn't give up until he said to my face "I want a divorce because I want to find someone who wants to do what I want to do." That was my closure. I got the divorce so fast I bet his head is still spinning!

I'm not sure that there is closure in a divorce or break up. About the time that I was going through my nervous breakdown over my situation...my sister lost her husband of 40 yrs. The information was kept from me..since family members felt I was too fragile to hand it.

Today..and for the past several months my sister and I have been in very close contact. She feels, and I agree, that in situations of a contentious divorce or break up there probably is no real closure. Friends of mine of similar age who are widows or widowers tell me they feel their situations were better than mine.

I had to dig way back to find my closure...two weeks after my nervous breakdown..my ex was out cheating again..that said it all!

I have decided that I will never have closure and I have to be okay with that. Because frankly I don't care now. What's done and done and since he's not coming back no excuse is going to make me feel any better. I don't know why stbx left. It was not b/c of infidelity, drugs, abuse so I don't really know and in the beginning of this nightmare I racked my brain trying to figure him out.

And now I don't care. My heart was broken and now it's healing slowly but surely and I don't need his closure to become a better single me :)

I am fighting with the same issue except mine did it over the phone..he transfered to a different state and left me..i've tried it all to get mine back(counceling, seperation etc) nothing worked..I have been beating myself up for weeks trying to figure out what I did wrong and I still can't get an answer out of him..although mine still talks to me...don't know how it would feel to never talk again! I feel for you and the pain you are going thru.

Divorcing someone by e-mail...that is one of the most pathetic things I have ever heard. He is a wimp, and his parents are helping him to not grow up. The other most pathetic divorce story happened to me. I found out about my divorce through a note my daughter wrote to a friend - 4 months after my husband had told the kids and swore them to secrecy! Sounds like we're both married to wimps. Who needs a wimp for a husband? I know, that doesn't make it any easier.

you have closure, but you make it..theres always questions and when you get a answer you have more questions..
closure comes when the questions stop

Good point, msde. Asking why will serve no purpose. You have to stop questioning and move on. If most are like my stbx, you'll get some vague answer that really can't be explained.

And yes, he is a huge coward for telling you by email.

Yes - I think you hit a point where you still have questions but the answers don't matter. I think the answers matter at the beginning because there is hope you can change their mind or that they'll tell you something that makes it make sense. But, as they act colder and time goes by, you realize you did the best you could with what you knew at the time. You get an internal kind of closure that lets you move on.