Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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i hate him and im scared

deleted_user
deleted_user
if you've read my other post you know i just had a situation occur with stbx about bedtime for the boys amonngst other things that were siad. i am scared! I really hate what hes doing to me. he says he doesnt want to be married to an angry woman anymore. im not ALWAYs an angry woman. im a good person. he is blaming me for this , it seems. Im scared because i feel hes trying to break me and take my boys from me. I know he is cause hes already badmouthed me to the family realtions guy at court. he wants physical custody of the boys. Im theyre primary caregiver and ive been since day one. how can he do this? Will he succeed? I cant live without the boys. I cant their all of my life, my world. he hasnt worked as hard at taking care of them. my attorney said as long as im "functioning" she can get me custody. if i stop , i wont. Im afraid.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Ann, hang in there and don't let him get to you. He may upset you or piss you off but don't let him see it.

He is trying to drive you crazy with his tactics. He hopes he can get you so upset that he can then say you are an unfit person.

Just don't let him know he is getting to you. Act like nothing he says matters.

I'll be praying for you and hope he will give you some peace at least for tonight.
deleted_user
deleted_user
2bmyself is right, your going to have to reach deep down inside and stay very calm and reasonable when he is around, fake it til you make it, vent your anger here about him, we won't use it against you, show him no fear. and if he asks you questions and you don't have an answer, this is the best, i'll have to get back to you, i need to think about it. play the game. never let him see the things he does make you mad. you can do this, it's roleplaying. and let it all out here.
deleted_user
deleted_user
STBX's really know how to push all our buttons. Something that has worked for me is to make a list of things that especially set me off, and figure out (and rehearse -- that's the important part) a response to each. A close friend or therapist might be helpful for this.

(((Hugs)))
deleted_user
deleted_user
Take all the energy you are funneling into fear and do this. Start collecting all th evidence you can about how involve you are in their life. If you went to all the parent teacher conferences and signed all the report cards get copies of the signitures. If you take the kids to the library save the receipts. If you pay the co-pay at the doctor get a copy of the returned check. If you are the one who takes the kids to playgroups, swimming lessons what ever get people to write letters. When you go out with just you and the kids get strangers to take pictures of you to prove you are maintaining your life with them. It's great ammunition. Plus if you focus on this you'll have less time for your X to wear you down. If your X play's games and hollers at you tell him you'll get a restraining order...and do. If he is nasty on the phone tell him he is being disrespectful. Stand up for yourself you have rights.
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