I've known love; even during the beginning of this relationship, but... it's not here anymore. This relationship isn't good for me. It's not something I want as a reflection of myself, but currently there is no better option. I'm not afraid of the change. I don't feel an emotional need. There's just no way I would leave this relationship so I can work a low-paying social work job, live at my parent's house, and NOT spend valuable time with my toddler... Her dad has a social disorder and isn't interested in spending time with her and reading to her and/or doing developmental games. He gets irritated that I suggest he spend time with her instead of code away on the computer... Just so heartbroken... I want a man who can find happiness in the little things. Who won't act like it's the biggest inconvenience in the world if I ask for something... who will just KNOW me and relate to me and cheer me up if I'm down - and someone for whom I'll do the same. I don't have that in this marriage/relationship. Somehow someday I'll get out... but how? And when....?
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