So Ive made up my mind to start the separation process, just waiting for the right time, when Im on my feet finacially and emotionally. Ive ahd a few crushes during this process and I so want o move forward my my emotions are all over the place. Normally Im a in control type person, but today I feel so lost and out of control. Teh newest crush is crushing back. We havent had the important talk yet (how each of us feels, but its definitely there), but I view it as a possible upheaval in both of ourlives. Had lunch w him yesterday wanting to "put it out on the carpet", but couldnt. Too scared of rejection, so I stayed closed up (building walls again:( ) So now I feel emotional raw and happy at the same time that I kept my control. These feelings asre driving me up the wall. Ive made my personal decision concerning my marriage adn I know that I cant get involved w arebound guy , even if I feel in my heart he could be the ONE. Just a note: At lunch yesterday we ent to a Chinese restuarant and I ordered hot tea, when He got to the table he poured two cups and offered me the first. This jesture was so sweet that I cant get it out my head ...My spouse would never done this so small act of comon coutesy...Im so way over my head HELP!! Oh and yes I know taht I cant personally get involved w anyone until the D is final, but Im not a patient person. UGHHH!
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